Hey all! So I’m a little shocked that I’m even writing this blog post and that it has gotten this big. Although I don’t feel its necessary to justify my action or my stance, I thought because I am not ashamed of what I did, I’d explain a few things that perhaps some of you may be missing. Incase you are wondering, this is in reference to how “I Won’t Photograph Ugly People” and the other blog post “ummmmm….Thank You!“.
I’m just going to jump into it……I realize there will probably be some grammatical/spelling errors so refer to my disclaimer on my home page.
How did I come across the page? I think this is a very valid question. I’ve read some of the comments about me being a facebook stalker and how it’s kind of creepy that I was checking out my clients facebook pages….and I’m sorry if you feel that way, when in reality THIS is how I “stumbled” across the page. A former colleague of mine (whom I’m friends with on facebook and whom I trust) posted the following on their page. As a parent of a small child of my own, of course I am going to click on it!
THIS is how I found a PUBLIC page that was saying very mean, hateful, cruel comments and in-turn found 4 of my clients saying mean things. My intent is not to check out my clients personal pages nor do I have intentions of ‘screening’ them on facebook in the future, but as I said in my initial article…THIS was right in front of my face. How could I forget about it and then try to spend time with an individual trying to take pretty pictures when they did such ugly things and it went against everything I am trying to teach my daughter. That would make me a hypocrite wouldn’t it?
Which brings me to a completely other topic. The word UGLY. Some of you are saying that I myself am being a bully by calling them UGLY. I’m not sure if you were able to read the article in it’s entirety, but what I was referring to were their actions. People aren’t born mean, it’s something they are taught to do or that they do by CHOICE. They were making a choice to be mean and I was making a choice NOT to be part of it or to be part of my business. For those of you who say I should keep my personal beliefs out of my business because it makes me unprofessional. Then I will be unprofessional until the day my business fizzles. I sleep good at night.
I did this for publicity. Well heck, IF that is the case, then I guess I hit the jackpot! Not that this means much to you that already have your mind set, but this was not a publicity stunt. If you could take even a few minutes to look thru some of my personal posts on my blog, you will see that I was writing about my business decisions and my personal beliefs, my personal life, etc. just like I always have. I’m thinking that in this instance, just a few more people could relate! My original intent was not to go on an anti-bullying rally, but hey if that is the message that gets out there…is it THAT wrong. At least it got you talking about the subject, it opened up dialog for some people to talk with their children about it….is it really such a bad thing.
Do I regret my decision. NO. Not in the least bit. We as photographers, are taught to build our brands so that we can attract the types of clients we WANT to shoot. Well, if individuals decide NOT to hire me based on my decision, well, they probably aren’t the type of client I wanted to attract anyway.
As with the parents that responded. I saw some articles that said that they apologized to me. That is untrue. Why would they apologize to me? They said thank you for bringing it to their attention and that they would deal with it at home. I think sometimes, people want to jump onto “they learn it from the parents” bandwagon, and I’m sure in some cases this is true, but in all honestly sometimes the parents may be unaware and if a million bystanders never SAY anything, how are the parents supposed to address the issue. You can call me a “tattle” but if it were MY child making those mean comments, I certainly would want someone to bring it to my attention so that I can address it. I’m not a counselor so my job was not to “talk to them during the shoot to find out WHY”, that is their parents role and I simply placed it in their hands all while not wanting my business to be part of it.
Why am I not releasing the names of the girls? Seriously…is this even a question? Call me a liar, call this a media stunt, call it whatever you want but I’m sorry you will not get the names. We live in such small towns here in Southwestern PA, don’t you think by releasing those names I would in-turn be releasing the media and internet onto them completely defeating the purpose. I mean, if I’m getting mean and hateful things said about me for STANDING UP for something I believe in, can you even imagine what would happen to these 4 girls? As much as I don’t LIKE what they did, I do have compassion and empathy and I would never do that to ANYONE.
I’m told I was being prejudice by my decision. The question was stated as if I was against anyone of different cultures, races, ethnicities, sexual orientation, etc, etc. I’m sorry but this is WAY out of context. If you are either of those and you are MEAN, I don’t want you to be associated with my business. I’m shocked that this turned into a prejudice issue. I think it just boils down to respect. I respect that there are individuals that have an opposing view, I expected that-it’s what makes the world go round. I also respected those individuals who stated WHY they didn’t agree with me and used their real names and commented in a mature way without calling names. Then on the other hand, there were those that didn’t agree with my decision but went about it under a fake name using profanity-well, I’m not sure anything has to be said about that!
Another criticism of mine has been that I deprived the four girls of having photos in their yearbook. I know now that this is different in different parts of the country/world, but I am not the contracted school photographer and I am in no way denying these girls their right to have a picture in the yearbook. I am not the yearbook gatekeeper. I am simply hired as a independent photographer to shoot lifestyle pictures of seniors to hand out for family and friends. I also would like to point out the fact that I’m not the only photographer in the area. In fact, there are some around here that are 100x better than me, so it’s not as if they don’t have access to having someone else take their picture.
PS: I saw several articles that said I’m a Philadelphia Photographer…..correction: I’m a Southwestern PA Photographer. Go Steelers!!
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by jen mcken
91 comments
steve - Bravo Jen. More people should start shunning bullies, not coddling them.
Melissa - I came across this late via a link from another photographer. I cannot believe the flak you are getting for standing up for your business.
You can’t always know what clients are ‘good’ and what ones aren’t but the example with these girls was staring her right in the face! I personally wouldn’t have done their sessions either. You’ve got a lot of supporters Jen, not that it seems you needed them to feel justified, but nasty comments can knock even the most secure.
Rhonda Burkhalter - Thank you for taking a stand. I agree that most parents have no clue what their child does on the internet/phone/school anymore. My daughter was bullied last year at school. It takes an emotional toll on not just the child being bullied, but the family as well. I monitor my children’s Facebook friends. If I see anything that I wouldn’t allow my children to say, I delete that “friend” from their account. Part of your own character is built upon by who you associate with. Thank you again for respecting yourself, your business, and your family. In general people are too afraid to offend or rock the boat so they stay idle. I have seen this quote but I do not know who the credit is owed- “A clear conscious makes for a soft pillow.” By your actions, you may have done any one of those 4 girls a favor. They may have been feeling pressure to behave a certain way and did not know what else to do but follow the crowd. You may have opened a door for them. Blessings come in many forms.
Dawn - That is the great thing about running your own business. You get to chose who you work with. I think you did the right thing. In my business as a professional dog trainer I too turn away business. For instance if a client comes to me with their new mixed breed puppy that they bought online or at a pet store type place I take them on and help them to raise and train that pup. I also educate them on why they should NEVER, EVER make the mistake of buying another puppy that way. I show them videos and photos of puppy mills. Now after all that if in a year or so they go out and do it again and contact me for assistance I will NOT work with them. And yes I tell them that in advance so they do know my stand. Educating people about puppy mills is my duty and I yes I am passionate about it. There is right and there is wrong. I attract, associate with, assist and surround myself with kind hearted people. Hope to meet you in person sometime Jen!
Kelli - My husband is a professional photographer as well and it’s tough to take a stance sometimes! But you are doing the exactly right thing and need to IGNORE all the negative comments. For every one person that disagrees with you, there have to be at least 1000 that are on your side. Remember, bullies can be loud and outspoken and you are being bullied by people telling you that you were wrong.
i won’t photograph ugly people | indiana county, pa photographer | personal | Jen McKen Photography - [...] *** updated 8/25/11: For those of you reading this for the first time, here is a follow up blog post that may answer any questions you may have: http://jenmckenphoto.com/blog/2011/08/25/just-to-clarify-not-shooting-ugly-people-indiana-county-pa-… [...]
BoostGear.com - Love it Jen. Keep doing things the way you want to do it.
Zoe - BRAVO, Jen. It’s not easy to make a decision if it might be unsettling or disagreeable to others. Even more so if it might also affect your business (and therefore your dream job). But you did it and didn’t look back. Well done!
Kyra - I think you did the right thing, and I imagine that you thought over it a while before you did. Making a decision that impacts your business like this, for your own moral standings, can be tricky. But you didn’t act out of maliciousness, just your own values. You haven’t called them out publicly, or gone on the attack with them, so I don’t see any fault or blame or anything else negative that you should be taking. And while you didn’t have to explain yourself, I think it will help for those that seem to need the explanation. Well done.
Meg - From a former bullied child….THANK YOU!
Emily Smith - Jen, you are amazing and a true inspiration. You shouldn’t have to defend your actions, as everyone knows in their heart of hearts that what you did was right and just. There’s no denying that no matter how you spin it. Keep moving forward and being your amazing self!!:)
Mary Yee - What the devil? This is your business and and your clients. With the cruelty put right in front of you, you did what you thought and felt was right. And I agree. Remember the signs that businesses would put in there windows? No shoes, no shirt, no service. Well you are just adding no bullying. If it is out there for people to see then consequences should come. “It takes a village to raise a child” and you have done your part and now the parents can do their part.
Melissa - I definitely don’t agree with bullying, but have to wonder where are you going to draw the line? How about men who beat their wives, students who cheat on tests, lie to their parents, have unprotected sex…are you going to make every client fill out an information sheet. Bullying -10 points, lying -2, cheating on a test -5…how do you decide what is ‘ugly’ and what isn’t? Nice thought, but only God can judge. And I doubt those girls really care what any ‘adult’ has to say about them being a bully. People ARE born mean…do you have to teach a kid to hit another kid who takes their toy, or to lie…to be NICE is a learned behavior.
Elizabeth Payne - As well, to those folks who think it is wrong that you “deprived” any one a photo; consider these girls lucky and consider Jen the kids’ savior, someone who stood up for them – they were lucky it was Jen, who handled the situation respectfully and fairly. If anyone were to find out who they are, these girls might have really had many more serious problems to deal with. Some people say violence solves problems and I disagree, but violence still happens and I am betting that these young ladies could have had it much worse if their identity was revealed. And all that I have said here could sound like a threat, but it is not. I feel very sorry for these girls to think that they are under the impression that they will actually feel better about themselves by tearing apart another person. Hate is one of the greatest tragedies, especially hate of oneself. They must be deeply sad souls.
Elizabeth Payne - Jenn,
You have done a fantastic job, here, and in each post as well as your initial decision to take action. Thank you.
You have put yourself under the microscope and that sometimes is the territory that comes along with standing up for what you believe in and doing the right thing – it is tough, but you are doing well.
You have succeeded to defend and justify your points and purpose (and you have done both very well). You are open-minded, reasonable, kind and fair. Thank you again for doing what needed to be done.
The truly problematic issue here is bullying. It’s completely uncalled for – mending that situation of unkindness and disrespect is the task that needs to have all energy directed towards creating a solution. People who put effort towards attacking you are not helping the problem.
I personally do not care who calls attention to any problem in general, and in this case, the bullying. A stalker, a 90 year old, someone who is not even a parent. The point is – bullying is unacceptable and it should not and does not need to exist.
Call me an extremist, an idealist, I do not care. This world is full of pain and evil and I will be damned if any kid will go around carelessly inflicting further dishonor and disrespect. It is inexcusable.
Hold your head high and keep up the good work. I support you %100!!
Julie Tucker-Wolek - Sorry you had to justify you decision …..I support you 100%!
:):)
Sam Tutton - Its sad that you felt you had to justify yourself. Its your business and your choice who you photograph, I totally get that. I do not believe that you did this for publicity (even though you have had heaps) and I think that people who are making a fuss about this still and criticising you are just hoping to get some of that “publicity” for themselves.
PDN Pulse » Blog Archive » You Just Found Out Your Subject Is a Bully. Do You Shoot? Or Cancel? - [...] up the story. Not all of the reaction has been favorable, though. Today McKendrick felt compelled to post a follow-up defending herself against criticism for calling the teenagers “ugly,” and denying [...]
Crystal Zabka - LOL I dislike how you felt you had to justify any of that
Rock on…
Kristin B - It’s a sad fact that you have to justify and defend your actions. As I said before on another related post, I am a mom of 4, my son has been bullied at school and the bus stop and the school refuses to acknowledge the actions as bullying. As a mom and part time photographer I admire the action you took even if it was a hit to your business and income. I would want to know if my children were bullying someone because I raise them not to bully or be a bystander to it because that still makes you an accomplice so to speak. I think you put it well in your original article and your rebuttal to all the naysayers is just as good. As for those who say you deprived these girls from yearbook photos apparently never had senior photos taken or they lived in the middle of nowhere where there was only one photographer. When I had mine done I had 5 photographers to choose from. Now, in our area, rural and relatively small area, there are many photographers but only one that the highschool works with for senior photos for the yearbook so if you were that contracted photographer then they would have something to complain about. Keep up the good work and continue to sleep well at night.
)
Scottie Lowe - I only wish I could hire you for your services. Job well done.
Ginger Hoffman - thank you again for doing the right thing… you took a stand and did what was right! whenever we do or make the “right” choice people will stand against you, it is the world we live in. Stand firm and go forward!
Rivkah - ps I wish we could “like” these comments. some people said some pretty great stuff.
Charisse - I’ll try to keep this short. It’s too bad you feel like you need to explain yourself. It’s really pretty simple to see why you did what you did. There will always be people who will twist or see the negative in anything. My Grandma used to say “don’t be ugly to your sister” and even as a child I knew what she meant. Ugly on the inside. Pretty simple!
Rivkah - I’m a little shocked you’ve had to defend yourself. Your position was clear from the first article I read, and I support it wholeheartedly.
In a way, this blog made me sad, because it illustrates that: sometimes people are going to twist things because they want to appear “right” at all costs. People who are attacking you or twisting your words or position are very very sad people.
don’t give them any more energy or thought. the majority of people out there- be they parents, people who were bullied as kids themselves, people with compassionate hearts who would have done the same in your shoes—the majority is going to “get it” right away and totally support you.
Don’t worry. you didn’t come across as a stalker or prejudiced or any of these ridiculous things.
People will twist things if they are in the wrong..and they’ll try to throw mud…but just hold your head up and be you (which is what is so great, and what we are all applauding in the first place, is your courage to be YOU and live your truth!) and the mud won’t stick… if anyone is saying hurtful things to you and about you, it’s because they haven’t yet learned that “being RIGHT” wont’ make them “Look good.” that twisting things to be RIGHT won’t heal the hurt in their hearts.
that climbing down, being humble enough to learn something, taking the courage to say “I was wrong” and go through the pain of feeling ashamed of themselves for a moment is the choice that would make them “look good” in the long run, and is the choice that would help their spirits grow.
you can only lead by example and if they don’t want to learn, if they want to attack instead, that is very VERY sad for them.
as for not releasing the names of the girls—I applaud you. that’s a very compassionate and RIGHT choice. those girls maybe will learn from what you’ve done, but if you had released their names, they would be put in the position of defending themselves from attack, which would then lead them to be uglier people.
(and yes, the ugly people thing was very clear. geez…people astound me sometimes… if they don’t get it, at some point you really just have to shrug and move on, I guess)
Eric - I just want to say well done, madame! I heard about your whole ordeal on the news and I was so moved by what you did. If only there were more people like you who would stand by there convictions and not allow such needless violence (and yes, what those girls did was violent) to be tolerated. As a person who has been bullied before, and even done some bullying myself, I completely understand the ramifications that can be caused by such insensitivity to others. We are ALL human beings and should be treated as such. So once again thank you, thank you, a million times thank you. You are truly OUTSTADING Mrs. McKen!
Craig G - No further explanation required. Ignore the trolls. Have a nice day.
April Cullett - I am glad to see you not succumb to the bullying you are receiving. Keep it up I am proud to be a fellow photographer. Keep doing what you do regardless of what is being said. I think you have been nothing but professional and a lot of people agree with what you have said and done.
Aletta - I truly like what you said and what you did. You weren’t stalking (I would have clicked on the same thing); you weren’t depriving anyone of a senior picture (having had a senior in high school, I know the options out there); you weren’t being prejudicial (truly?? Someone thought that being mean should be on par with race, religion and ethnicity?). I agree that you aren’t the girls’ therapist, or their parent. As a parent, I would hope that if my child had done something reprehensible that someone would bring it to my attention and let me parent my child, just as you did. I’m sorry you’re getting this kind of backlash and only hope that all the positive commentary outweighs the bad.
CJ - As a mom, and someone who was picked on in school (we didn’t use the word “bully” in the 70′s and 80′s), I think you are handling this whole situation with grace and maturity. You explain yourself and your actions very well and quite clearly; it’s a shame that those who disagree with you do not seem to pay close enough attention to what you’re actually saying and instead, prefer to use bits and pieces of it, then go off on a tangent. If someone told me that my daughter was participating in cyber-bullying, I’d lose my mind – over HER ACTIONS, not the person who told me. We all need to help each other in this world to be good and do good. Keep a stiff upper lip – you’re doing great!
Chelsea Lewis - Jen! I’m a fellow [b] schooler, and I’ve followed this from the start, and I think you have handled this better than I would have! In truth, it kind of DOES make you want to turn into a facebook stalker, especially with High School Seniors to screen your clients. Good thing I don’t shoot a ton of seniors!
I also think it’s sad you have to defend yourself and your right to run your business how you see fit. And if you did do this for publicity, did people think you wanted to deal with having to justify yourself too?! LOL! Anyway, long story short – YOU ROCK! I’m proud to say I know you from the [b] school!
Terri Snow - Listen Jen, you are a great business owner, you are a wonderful person, and you are entitled to your opinion just as everyone else is this world is. I believe what you did was a great business decision for you. In your line of work, you can chose your clients. I am so proud to see someone stand up for what they believe no matter the situation or scenario. Go jen! You don’t need to justify yourself. I say let em hate!
Leslie Boyd - First, I commend you for taking a stance. As a photographer it makes sense to be able to pick and choose your clients, especially seniors. People have to realize these girls would have been handing out pictures to friends and family advertising for your business. When celebrities ‘go bad’ for lack of a better phrase (ex. Tiger Woods) they loose endorsements for their reflection on the said company and for fear of losing business or boycotting. Why should it have to be different for any other business? Secondly, for those who think bullying isn’t a big deal and it’s just another phase in your teenage years you need to google bullying. A LOT of other states are taking legal actions against people like these four girls who set out to harass others via facebook or another public forum. It’s all over. And don’t think for one second if something awful happened (GOD forbid) the families will most likely set out for justice.
I’ve always said don’t do anything in your life that you don’t want to come back and haunt you. Hopefully these ladies don’t choose a public lifestyle because this will come back to haunt them for sure and as and adult in the ‘real’ world it won’t be so funny and they won’t be so proud. Well that is unless they didn’t learn their lesson then they may be proud. I always think of the movie Hope Floats and Polka Dot when people don’t think bullying follows the bullied throughout life.
Good Luck – I think you’ve done well if one little ole opinion matters.
Leslie
Cindy - It is a shame you had to justify yourself at all. Those who have criticized you, likely don’t live here in SW PA. They’ll never come to you for a session, they will never meet you. They feel free in being nasty or disagreeing because they don’t live it here. Recently a young girl in our area killed herself because of bullying. It is those that sit idle and quiet while witnessing these acts that allow horrible things to transpire. Not calling the girls out by name was the right call, but not publically standing up for what you believe it would have been wrong. Brava! Again! Brava!
Holly Oldfield - What GREAT comments by all! {{{{{{ Good, good, good…..Good vibrations }}}}}} =))
Tanya - As a parent I completely support your decisions. All of them, I respect you for refusing to photograph the girls and for not releasing their names. If more people would stand up like you maybe kids would think twice about bullying. Please keep up the great work and Go Steelers!!
Faith - Continuing to be proud of you and your strong back to stand up for what you believe in.
It is unfortunate that you felt you have to “justify” your actions to anyone.
People fear the unknown and apparently, good morals and strong convictions are unknown to these people who question your decision.
Kudos again. Good luck in your future endeavors!
Virginia Kleaver - Love this! So glad you clarified how you stumbled upon the bullying page. There are always going to be people who disagree with what you do, and immature folks who disagree with ANYTHING. Good for you for standing up for your beliefs and not letting yourself be bullied, either!
Beth - I’d like to comment on those folks concerned about stalking your clients on Facebook. It is a fact now that companies looking to hire you will go look out on MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn etc to see what type of behavior you put out on the internet. If there is questionable behavior, then don’t expect a call or expect to be asked about the pic of you doing a keg stand during your crazy college years. It is common practice for people to CHOOSE who they do business with based on their global responsibilities for instance PepsiCo or Coke or Starbucks etc. People choose companies that are socially responsible. So logically, people who offer services where they brand themselves will/are choosing their customers in order to further their brand/name/company. It’s now a very personal choice instead of just a target income demographic, business may now choose even more specifically..such as exhibited behaviors on Facebook. Perhaps folks will start to realize that bad behavior is bad behavior and that EVERYONE sees it. That bad behavior is just as damaging to themselves as the bullying is to their victims.
Jenn - I myself wasn’t bullied much growing up, but my son is targeted often and extremely vicious ways. I found you by way of a photographer for whom I have a great deal of respect.
You shouldn’t have to justify your actions. But for the record, I don’t have a problem at all with the stance you took. It doesn’t make you a bully, it doesn’t make you mean, it doesn’t make you a bad business owner. What it does is make you a parent and individual who lives what they believe.
(I often feel media itself is the worst bully.)
Professionally, as you’ve said, it’s your business, your choice and you are the only one that has to assume responsibility for any fall out. Which I hardly be believe this is going to have much negative impact. But the fact is, you’ve made no excuses or whines about it.
Will it change these girls? Likely not. But it does give those who wouldn’t normally speak out courage.
Chick-Fil-A isn’t open on Sunday for family religious reasons, a teashop down the street closes during the Christmas holidays. It’s owned by a Jewish family. Many business choices are made based on personal convictions, why should yours be any different?
I suspect the backlash it has more to do with envy for standing up for a belief than anything.
And for the record, like you, I’d hardly call myself the best photographer out there. There are plenty our there better, but I truly like your work. I’ll stick around even after this blows over, and it will.
Holly Oldfield - Again, I APPLAUD YOU Jen!! You’re right, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for YOUR CHOICE to not do these girls’ photos after THEY MADE the CHOICE to say UGLY things. But again stand for what you feel is right, therefore have no reason to be ashamed for doing what’s right. At least you can sleep well at night knowing you did what’s RIGHT for ALL involved, and NOT just for yourself or the money. Karma works both ways: the GOOD you have done will be rewarded, just as bad comes back to those who’s moral compass is off
Suzy - I like you, very much
April - There is no need for you to even explain your actions. As children, humans learn morals. Any human being knows that what you chose to do shows that you have good morals. Anyone who wants to argue, judge, or criticize your choice is lacking these morals themselves and maybe they need to take a long look in the mirror at themselves before they start pointing the fingers at you. I stand behind what you chose and I have never met you! Keep on keepin on girl, and you will be blessed for being a good moral person!
Leah - You have a lot of support & a lot of courage. Ignore those that say different. I would definitely applaud you & if you lived in WI, I would have you take my daughter’s picture. I would highly recommend you to anyone & everyone. Again, thank you for taking a stand on bullying.
Courtney Katherine - BACKING YOU UP 100% JEN MCKEN!!! GO YOU!
Kelley - Even though there was no need for you to clarify, I’m glad that you did. Bullying is out of hand in this country, and the more publicity and attention we can bring to it, the better. That was not necessarily your job, of course, but it still needed to be done. This is a rare instance where those that bullied, paid the consequences. They weren’t severe, but they were enough.
You also mentioned another interesting point: There is the assumption that parents are the cause of children bullying. That may be true in some instances, but clearly not in all. Some very likely are not even aware of the behavior. You did those parents a great service by informing them.
Keep on being compassionate and empathetic. We need more people like you. All the best.
Sonia - Well said!!!!!!!
Brandi - How can anyone look down on what you did? I just don’t understand people sometimes. This world is going down the toilet fast and it’s people like YOU that show me there is still HOPE! Keep doing what you’re doing! You have my support and so many more!!
Lauren - Continue to keep youe head up and stand strong!! You did the right thing!! And yes, go steelers!!!
Melissa Howington - agreed that this wasn’t needed at all. The people with morals understand completely. It’s those without morals that feel the need to attack you.
Sonia - Again…you have all the right in the world to do what you did. Hopefully you can change someone’s character by being straight forward and stand up for what you believe in. I know for a fact that I want and am teaching my daughter that being strong and standing up for her beliefs and to others that try to bring you down no matter what. I am 100% on your side…and it’s sad that you evene had to write this blog post to clairfy yourself.
Kristine - You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone! What you did was an awesome thing. I am the mother of 4 girls myself. One of my daughters was bullied and one of them was a bully. At home my girls are respectful and fun with adults, siblings and each other…but at school; one became shy and withdrawn (she has since come out of her shell and found her voice) and the other one became just a little bitch (at home the sweetest, dearest child ever! she has since became nicer now out of high school) I still have two daughters in school and who knows where they will be int he social circle, but as AN ADULT I respect your choice…as a fellow photographer I APPLAUD your choice!
Dana - You rock! You are a role model for many people young and old. Not much more can be said!
Ramona Dietrich - Jen, You are a woman of integrity and you should be proud of your stance. The world needs more people like you.
Cheri - You know what they say (in the ironically named play,”Wicked”), “No good deed goes unpunished”. Be for good or ill, when in the public eye, there are those who hide behind their “comments” and live a life of mud-slinging. As wonderful social media sites can be for most us, they have become a (sometimes anonymous) forum for hate, criticism and vitriol. Glad you are thick skinned. I’ve found, in my 54 years on this earth, that the LEAST tolerant people are the ones always crying for tolerance. Glad you took a stand, possibly altering the poor direction of a few lives and hope you can get back to normal soon.
stacey - people are incredible and will make noise over anything. facebook is public and in reality is no different than them saying those things out loud in a crowded coffee shop other than they were in print and for all to see.
that you should have to justify yourself i feel is ridiculous and i thank you again for standing up for your ethics. why would you release the names anyway? those kids know who they are and so do their peers – you are a great photographer not a tell-all like andrew morton.
ignoring it doesn’t make it go away – it makes it worse. as they say, the best disinfectant is sunshine
have a great day jen – i love seeing your beautiful work. those are lucky girls to have you capture their essence!!!
Nancie - I came across your blog and FB page by way of a story done on you by Yahoo. I have four grown kids and am aware of bully’ing and what it does to kids (and adults). I’ve followed a lot of blogs from their beginning through their growth and it’s amazing to me how critical the world is. This electronic age has created a whole different ‘bullying’ type. Adults now can be horribly cruel without ever showing their face or having to back up their words. The electronic age has extended the stupid highschool drama into adulthood. I hope you do not let judgemental people affect your morals, your business decisions, or you ongoing blog. Turn yourself into a human strainer. Take in all of it and let the junk fall through. Only keep the quality comments. There’s a lot of junk out there and a lot of ugly mean people. Anybody who would judge you on the decision you made have their own internal demons they are dealing with. I’ve learned that the most judgemental people are those who are doing things themselves they are judging others for. I commend you for your decision. I’m sorry for you that it’s gone viral because that then turns the attention to you personally and off of the root of what you were standing for. there will be lots of judgemental people out there who will say bad things but there are WAY more of us, who support you and your decision!! Way to go!!
Jules from AZ - Jen,
I’m shocked too that you had to explain yourself after I thought you explained your position the first time. Heck, I knew what you meant by stumbling upon another site (based on a friend’s post) and your reference to word “ugly” – so what’s the big deal? What all of this comes down to is based on one’s perception to the situation at hand. And really, given the nature of how bullying has affected a large number of young kids these days, all you were doing was trying to stop the hatred from spreading into your world, which I completely applaud you for. I know your own kids will be always proud of you for doing this. Remember, we are not born to hate, we learn it.
Brigette - Still support you a million percent! The reason people question you is because society has become so self-absorbed that they don’t understand that someone would do something for pure principal instead of doing it for some gain. You shouldn’t have to justify standing up for your beliefs. You have the right to refuse service to any customer for any reason. It’s your business! Those people need to get a grip and take a lesson from you on how to be a good human being. Keep your chin up and carry on!
Jayne - As a fellow photographer, I commend you on what you did and how you handled the entire situation! It’s a shame that you even had to address it again, but you have gracefully navigated the topic and hopefully this can be put behind you. As said by previous comments, if someone doesn’t understand the reasons behind your actions they never will. Best wishes for you & your business!
Mary - Honey, I love what you did and what you stand up for… But you nearly lost me with that Steelers cheer!
LOL
Seriously, you did the right thing, and you handled it with integrity. Way to go. Hopefully those girls learned that not only was their behavior unacceptable, but what you put out there on the internet can come back to bite you in the end. I showed this to my own daughter for that very reason. (Thankfully she is very sensitive to the bullying issue, having been a victim herself).
Kudos.
And btw… GO NY GIANTS.
Janice - I strongly believe that you did not have to write this! Anyone who actually read your original post should have been able to appreciate your feelings and your actions. Once again, you have my support! Thank you!
Anne-Marie Suddreth - You rock. I am a therapist with two young daughters of my own. I see bullying all the time and what shocks me most is how parents overlook their own kids’ behavior. Schools aren’t doing enough to prevent bullying, teachers often feel their hands are tied (that’s arguable)… it is up to as AS A SOCIETY, as a collection of parents and former children, to say “this is unacceptable.” Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
michele nieves - there r too many stupid people,who need to get a life.jen should not have to explain herself and “spell” things out.its common sense but some people r just internet trolls & have to talk sh!t.aka diarrhea of the mouth.
Brian D. Reed - YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME post. Especially the part about, “Go Steelers!!” (Sorry. LONG-time Steelers fan, not so much a Rothsbooger fan though.)
Back to point. This writing is SPOT-ON! It is unfortunate that you have to write a blog post like this, but that is the way Life is most of the time. Always having to defend our actions and clarify to someone.
I still 1000% support your decision and applaud you wildly for taking the stand that you have. Hopefully there will be A LOT learned from this experience for folks that read the various postings. Hopefully they will come straight to the horse’s mouth and not the neighbor’s donkey.
Way to Go Jen!!! Keep up the AWESOME work!
Sheena Hill - I still contend you are amazing. I hope you continue to focus on the positive. I’ve always said, though, if you never do anything to make enemies in life, you aren’t living your life well. Those who stand up against what is truly wrong, will be reviled by those who are also wrong. It’s not anything to regret, but something to wear as a badge of honor.
Bambi Blue - Behind you 100%!
Laura - OMG….Really! I can’t believe you are having to justify yourself. Yes people need to read ALL of the blogs, before they jump to their ridiculous accusations. I’ m sorry Jen. I believe in what you did. Keep strong. Quit reading the articles if you can. Sad there are so many UGLY people out there.
Brenda - I applaud you for standing up for your beliefs. As a photographer and parent I understand every move you made and support it 100%. You as an independent photographer can make whatever decisions you want and thats one of the privileges you have. Your beliefs don’t change your work. Keep doing what you do!!! and keep your head held high!
Meghann - Jen-
I read the original story via a link from friends, including our photographer. As I said when I shared it with my friends, if we all do what we can we take a stand for those who need it most. You are a prime example of the type of people we need more of in this world and I wish you continued success in following your dreams. Thank you!
Michelle Donnelly - Jen, at the end of the day, I applaud you for taking the stance that you did on the issue of bullying, you should be held up as an example of what people and business owners like urself SHOULD b doing vs turning a blind eye and letting it continue. The old saying ‘Bad things happen when good people do nothing’ really would have applied had nothing happened. Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that u should NOT have to apologise or have to explain really the reasons why you did what you did. This whole thing seems to have taken on a life if it’s own, a little sad really as what you should b all about is your photographs, not why you choose not to take them for a few bad seeds.
I look forward to seeing more of our work in the future and will wait with interest 2 c where this goes. If something good comes out of this and one person maybe thinks twice about mirroring that kind of horrible behaviour, then all this was worth it!
Michelle
crafty - You are beautiful.
Thank you for being empowered to stand up to something you know is wrong.
Stay strong and steady, there are more of us that applaud you, more than you will ever know.
On aother note, the folks who are upset with you, they have something else going on. Let them have it and don’t waste your energy on them. Keep sending out that beautiful spirit and good vibes to our world.
Thanks-
Jennifer
Becky - You go girl! ;0)
anna - I shouldn’t be surprised that this post was even warranted, but the ignorance of people continues to make me shake my head in disbelief. I’m nowhere near PA but stand with you 100% on this issue and know that your daughter will look back on this and be proud of her mother. And, really, that’s all that matters. You did the right thing, for the right reason. If that threatens people, perhaps they should look inside themselves and ask why.
Mandy - You go girl. From working and getting to know you, I trust any decision you would make as doing the right thing. The negative response isn’t about what you may or may not have said, done, or thought. It is about their (innapropriate negative or stretched the truth or outright incorrect comments from people) insecurities and their issues that they have not dealt with and resolved appropriately. God Bless you.
Ronica - I agree, you shouldn’t have to justify your decision to anyone. It is your company and you make all the decisions about that company. A ton of businesses have signs saying “We have the right to refuse service to ANYONE”….and you have that same right……without justification! I would have done the same thing. I don’t think you did anything wrong! If more people acted the way you did, these kids would quit being so ugly….and I don’t just mean these particular girls, I mean all kids who feel the need to bully! I don’t understand why kids feel the need to pick on other kids, it only shows their own insecurities. if only they could see that then maybe they would stop!
Laurie - I am surprised that people harassed you about your own opinions posted on your own blog. I think maybe it’s true that people see what they want to see … even in the printed word.
I, for one, applaud you for taking a stand and speaking up for the victim of this kind of bullying. I know I’m not alone in my stance on this. I’m sorry you had to even write this piece but understand that some people just didn’t get your point.
Oh, I wasn’t stalking you. I found out about the original blog entry on FB. I think it was SPARK who posted a link to your blog. I confess, I reposted it on my page and then so did my friends. That’s not stalking … it’s the use of modern technology!
Seriously, keep up the good work and know you are not one of the ugly people!
Julz - I have to applaud you for checking into your potential customers especially “young adults” Its your work plastered ALL over their social network(s).. I would NOT want my name attached to theirs or Anyone Else’s name who behaves in that manner.. Karma will come their way one day.. I just pray in this day in age people would really realize this follows you for the rest of your life..
Jenny - It is a shame you had to even address these accusations, Jen. What you did was 100% right. You’re being a role model for your daughter and keeping your integrity in your heart.
Good luck to you!
Lilith - I agreed with you before and now I agree with you even more. Keep up the good work!
Eileen - Face it.. some people will never “get it” Those who do, support your decision 100%
Rebecca Pettigrew - I always check my clients’ facebook pages, before I commit… I don’t want to work with “ugly” people, either.
Shawna Sweeney - I shared a link to your blogpost a few days ago…it came up that my kids would know to RUN if I ever caught them talking about someone on FB like that!
I took your article as an opportunity to remind my boys (15 and almost 17) about how that is not tolerated here. (they were appalled that someone would do that!)
I’m sorry about the negative comments you have mentioned…Please note that I think your stand was Fantastic and I applaud you for not tolerating bullying!!!
Kira =] - I heard about your experience from the media hype, too. So sad you have to explain yourself even further. I can’t believe people just jumped on the bandwagon of disgust without even read the whole news article or your original post. It will blow over in a little bit and those that applaud your response will remember you and the dramas will move on to the next hype.
Sally Watts - “Yearbook gatekeeper”-this made me laugh, and think about Ghostbusters.
I’m so glad you said what you did about “children learn it from their parents.” Sure, true sometimes, maybe even often, but we can’t go around thinking they have horrible parents every time a kid does something mean or stupid. Heck, can’t all of us go back and recall things we’d done that our parents *never* modelled nor condoned? Or-uh-is it just me?
Keep on keepin’ on!
Sasha Holloway - SCREW EM.
jane - personally, even if you had gone to the girls personal facebooks and found this posted on there, i think it would be a good lesson for them. Employers do it all the time, it’s time that kids learn what you put on the internet affects your real life too. It can be permanent damage.
wendy - Ok,one of the things that should be included in your business plan are your values and your moral stand point,this is what essentally makes your business you! For those who have never written a business plan,they might not know this.I.commend you for.standing by your beliefs.
Bert - Anyone who doesn’t already ‘get it’ won’t. You and I do (and many others). The reason it got so big is because it’s so rare. Being polite used to be common. Shunning those who weren’t polite was how society policed politeness. Social sites make rudeness public, so publicly shunning someone who’s rude is how society should deal with it.
Angela - Well done, well said! You have been blessed with a kind heart, a great eye, strong convictions and a good head on your shoulders. Sleep well tonight!
julie - Bravo, again!