I wrote a blog a month or two ago that talked about all the things I learned about being a “self employed” business owner. I was only roughly a few weeks into it when I posted the blog but I wrote about the Random Realities of Being Self Employed. It was more tongue in cheek really, I mean I talked about such things like how your boss is awesome (which is true..haha), about how you can sleep in, how you talk to yourself and answer your self because you have no co-workers to chat with. For those of you who don’t know, I recently quit my full time day job to pursue my dream of being a full time photographer. As exciting as it sounds that I’m following my dream and ultimately getting paid to do what I love, it also comes with a lot of accountability and responsibilities.I mean, I *AM* my own boss and if my business fails it’s *MY* fault, I can’t share the blame with a co-worker or a supervisor….it’s my fault.
With that said, I recently made a decision that I know could ultimately create backlash for what I’ve decided….and honestly, I don’t care! The really cool thing-(even among all the scary things of owning a business) is that you can make decisions without having to go through the hierarchy of people. On a whim yesterday after seeing something that was so appalling, I decided I was going to email some of my clients to tell them “I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos”.
Let me explain. Last night I posted on Facebook the following: “If I’m wrong, please speak up. I came across a page on Facebook that was created (by someone under a fictitious name) thats purpose is to bully, ridicule and say mean and hurtful things about their class mates. While visiting the page, I found several teenage girls that have scheduled sessions with me for their senior pictures. I am emailing them tomorrow to cancel their shoots. I do not want them to represent my business and I am beside myself at how MEAN and CRUEL they were on that page.” As I was drafting the email that I was going to send out to the clients my phone was blowing up with comments.
Now I realize it’s going to be hard to know that every person that ever contacts me isn’t a bully, I understand that…but in this specific instance it was right in front of my face. I saw it with my own eyes..it wasn’t hear say, it was right there..with their smiling face right beside such an ugly statement. I couldn’t forget about it, I mean how I could spend 2 hours with someone during our session trying to take beautiful photos of them knowing they could do such UGLY things. Realistically, I know by canceling their shoots it’s not going to make them “nicer people” but I refuse to let people like that represent my business.
This morning I sent out 4 emails to those clients while CC’ing in their parents explaining WHY I was canceling their shoots. I also included screen shots of the comments they made. They couldn’t deny it, I had the picture of what they said. I informed them that I’d be sending their deposits back and that they’d have to find another photographer. So far, I have received two emails back from their parents that claimed (I’m paraphrasing) they were shocked that this had happened. They apologized that their child acted in such a way and that they would deal with the matter. So far I haven’t received any backlash but I’m ready for it. I’m a small business owner and I have the luxury of making that decision. If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!
I’m not going to give a big speech that says how wrong or uncool it is…because let’s face it, you are seniors you should know better. I’m not trying to save the world of bullies or trying to start a movement. I simply don’t want to photograph ugly people!
To all of you who commented or “liked” the status… It’s heart warming to know that you support my decision.
Thank YOU!
*** updated 8/25/11: For those of you reading this for the first time, here is a follow up blog post that may answer any questions you may have: https://jenmckenphoto.com/blog/2011/08/25/just-to-clarify-not-shooting-ugly-people-indiana-county-pa-photographer-personal/
*** updated 8/16/12: One year later, what I learned about going viral: https://jenmckenphoto.com/2012/08/what-i-learned-about-going-viral-jen-mcken-photographer/
This kind of bums me out. I understand that it’s your company and branding and I HATE all forms of bullying just ask much as you do. The fact of the matter is, people make mistakes and the cyber world. Calling them “cruel” and “ugly” is pretty harsh. They are teenagers, did you do anything as a teenager that you wish with all your heart you could take back? You sound like you are saying your will only work with “perfect” people. Maybe those girls aren’t bullies, maybe there is more to the story. You also have no idea what these girl’s lives are like or what their relationships with their parents are like. “CC”ing their parents seems more like tattling than anything else. You could have just talked with the girls directly, and I don’t understand why you needed to post this in public. This looks like more of a publicity stunt than anything else. You jumped on the “anti-bullying” band wagon and got a lot of views, but you may have also been really hurtful in the process.
I clicked on this from a photographers feed/group I am a member of and I had a totally different idea of what the content was going to be from the headline.
I really LOVED this post. And I want to thank you for coming out and talking about it publicly!
I completely agree with you and I think if more people were more proactive as you have been, I hope it would be a much different world!
Thank you for posting that!
This is my opinion, but I think the bigger thing to do would have been to address the girls who were bullying and their parents and left it at that. This just screams “Look at me! I did a good deed. And btw, this is great for exposure!” A wise man once said, “Blessed are the humble…” 😉 Just my two pennies.
Thank you for being able to stand for something Jen. I stumbled across this from one of my friends, and I have to appreciate the fact that their are people that act on what they believe.
I’m glad to see that integrity and speaking out against something wrong are not completely dead! I’m a photographer who’s just getting started in the Cleveland area, and I decided early on that I wasn’t going to photograph anyone or anything I don’t feel comfortable photographing–it’s even in my contract! I knew it could potentially cost me clients, but let’s face it, we’re artists, and we work for ourselves–so we can make decisions like that to make sure we can sleep at night and protect/build our good name–and a good name is worth more than all the money in the world! I wouldn’t fret over all of the other photographers following you now (some of whom may be way awesome), because ultimately they like you for something far more important than the quality of your work–they like you for your INTEGRITY. People criticizing you for speaking out against bullying and inner ugliness, and who believe your opinions have no place in your business, really do not understand that plenty of other business people have opinions and PAY GRAND SUMS to get people to share their opinions with ads, perks, and lobbyists–and all to make a bigger dollar; these people who disagree with you better hope their barber doesn’t think they’re ugly, or they could say the wrong thing and find themselves getting stabbed with scissors! It’s important to stay true to yourself, especially in this business, and my hat goes off to you for doing so!
Very impressive! There’s a book, [The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t, by Sutton] – this life/business experience should append many of the examples the book has to offer; It really helps underscore the need for ‘goodness’ to prevail – no matter the consequence. thx for sharing!
@ Joe
As they say, “Do not let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”
Just because she is incapable of consistency because she can’t have perfect knowledge of her clients, doesn’t mean there is a problem with her taking action when she does have knowledge. I believe that’s what Jim and Jen both said.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for posting this!! I was a very shy person while growing up, and was bullied all through school. I had very low self-esteem and just didn’t quite know how to stand up for myself. It took me many, many years to finally start feeling good about myself.
I wish someone like you had been around when I was in school, to help out people like me!
I think you are extraordinary. I also have to shake my head that anyone would comment otherwise. I am also venturing into small business in a field where everybody’s got questionable ethics. I want to sleep well at night. And if that means dropping a client or two who doesn’t represent what I myself strive to be, so be it. I’m VERY proud of you.
The problem is you’re taking one instance of a person’s online life and then judging their entire character by it. We may all do/say things things that we are not necessarily proud of, but there’s always a reason and one misstep does not a bad person make. Maybe these girls are having problems at home and taking it out on their classmates. Should someone should talk to them about it? Heck yes; parents, counselors, you name it. Does the problem have anything to do with you as a photographer? No. Reporting it was the right thing to do, but refusing their business is the definition of unprofessional. If you can’t separate your personal feelings from your work, you’re not going to do yourself or your future clients any favors.
Beautiful. Wonderful. Fantastic.
I really hope this makes a difference to those girls.
I wish there was someone like you around when I was in high school.
I feel it’s important to note here that clients don’t represent a photographer’s business. A photographer represents her own business. This decision – and its publicity – is now a part of your identity as a photographer.
As photographers, we SEE. It is our job to see. We see the stress and the insecurity and the grit and the awkward. We live in (and sometimes break up) the dynamics and drama that surrounds the people we shoot. We build trust with our clients, that we will not show their awful back to them, let alone to the world.
You may not see visible backlash from your decision right now, but I think you may find a reluctance from clients to trust you in the future, knowing how you responded to this situation.
All these comments saying you will have clients not trust you in the future, or that the girls who made the website might have problems at home, or regret it so much.. yada yada yada.. It all is crap to me. I think not being the photographers to teenage girls who are online bullying people is the right thing to do. These girls might not know everything, but I know for a fact they know what bullying is and what cyber bullying is. They know it is wrong, and they know what it does in the lives of the people they are bullying. How dare someone stick up for a bully, when in this day and age numerous teens are killing themselves for what these people do and say. We need to teach these bullies a lesson. The simple fact of refusing to be their photographer is a just and reasonable way to punish these girls for their unacceptable actions. If they do have problems at home, now is a great time for their parents to step in. Hopefully now some sad teenagers out there are getting a break from their peer tormentors. You did the right thing. If other people don’t like it, they may as well wear a sign that says, “I support teenage suicide” I think its sad we let bullying go that far. Shame on those girls.
I think you made the right decision! I raise a glass to you 🙂
BRAVO! I think you made a wonderful choice and it speaks highly to the business people will be supporting. If I lived closer i’d look forward to having you shoot my children!
Way to stand up for what you believe in! I admire you for doing something that many of us don’t have the guts to stand up for, too much cyber bullying is going around and if people don’t stand up for a change and help those who are hurting it will continue. This was a lesson for those who were doing it, hopefully they will take something from what you did and think about it, and maybe they will even apologies to the victim. Thank you 🙂
This really saddens and sickens me. All people, ALL PEOPLE, in this world are BEAUTIFUL! Who are you to pass judgement on how other people are on the inside?
Calling them names and stating that you will not photograph “mean” and “ugly” people makes you no different than them with the “bullying”. As other people have commented, you have no idea, NO IDEA, what is going on in their lives and you my friend grew up in a much different time and with much different experiences than they have. This is like me saying you clearly have no idea on what photography encompasses and should not call yourself a photographer.
This is your company and you can refuse service to whomever you wish. But to write about this on a blog is just plain tacky, thoughtless, and definitely unprofessional.
I mean seriously, enough with judging other people comparing them to our level of standards and twisted morals. Enough with spewing out negative energies with “hate” and “ugly”. Enough with being closed off and hiding in your cocoon.
Open up, be positive. Talk to these seniors, expand their minds, be a roll model, be an inspiration, take responsibility even though they are not your kids.
Stop running away with your tail between your legs and sending an email to their parents with a “let them deal with it” attitude. This helps no one but your own self-indulgent egos.
Again, EVERY single person in this world (as well as everything in this Universe) is BEAUTIFUL.
Marvin, I appreciate your feedback and the mature way you presented your opinion….however I think you need to take a moment and read the newest blog post! Have a wonderful day!
Way to go by refusing to do business with bullying youth. You’ve shown you have high ethics by making this point. I was bullied as a kid, and I still shudder when I read about such things. If bullying is to stop, it will take people like you to take a stand against it. My hat is off to you.
Well done Jen!!
Bravo! If you didn’t take a stand, who would??? P.s. I think anyone who is ridiculing you for taking this stand is ridiculous. You are right. It would be a representation of you.
Bravo Jen!! What you did is admirable and makes you a beautiful person, inside and out!
I came across this in Care2.com and shared your feeling. I cannot deal with such clients if I know that they did things so horrid as that.
I am an employee so I have no choice, but you own your business and this is what you can do.
For others who “advised you” — I think they are just pandering to societies “be nice” “all cheers” cloak which try to turn a blind eye to cyberbulling. If those kids have problems — go to a shrink instead of taking it on other kids in the Internet!
Bless you.
I agree that you totally made the right decision. You’re awesome.
PS. I’m from Indiana, PA! How crazy to come across someone from my hometown on the big, wide internet!
The people making comments justifying the bullies because they were doing it online and not in real life? What?? Your character is your character. You use it in real life, you use it online, you use it around friends, you use it around strangers. You don’t get to be two people.
Kudos to this photog! I often wear my heart on my sleeve regarding my business as well, and I can tell (truly) that this was not a publicity stunt. And I am glad she spoke out about it. Not enough people do.
I’m behind your decision 1000%. I have Zero tolerance/respect for parents who allow their kids to be bullies. It’s plain & simple, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” PERIOD!
Way to make a stand!!! It’s so inspiring to see this kind of choice being made. As a small biz owner/photographer I know how every client (and their money) matters. To make such a stand with the chance of loosing so much (current clients, potential clients) is just wow! Kuddos!
Thank you for writing about this. Yes you could have handled this privately, but then it would not have given hope to the teens going through similar things themselves. It would have not given pause for thought for those acting this way and it would not have encouraged others to have integrity in their own business dealings.
I think what you did is great. Finally teens who bully are being held accountable for their actions. No this may not change them, but it’ll make them think twice.
Great post! Being a business owner to, I completely understand where you are coming from!
Thank you for following through on the courage of your convictions! The world is full of bullies and I choose to NOT associate with them nor allow them to drag me down to their level.
I admire you so much, you’re awesome. Gizmodo Brazil posted your story, btw 🙂
You are completely correct. If everyone thought like you, the world would be a nicer place to live. Congratulations on your beautiful initiative.
Rock on I am so glad ppl like you exist! Some people are so mean! When i graduated from high school we had a board With our class year and every senior would sign it. It was a school tradition and every class would do it. Well i was a troubled kid and i didn’t graduate with my class, i stayed behind to retake a test during the summer. Regardless, I had been in that school since 4th grade so i said to hell with it, and signed my name next to all my Friends…. Well two of the ” pretty girls” in my class apparently didn’t like that too much and decided to erase my name and write over it. It was one of the most painful things that’s ever been done to me . Why be so mean u know? I went back and rewrote my name on that board where it belongs… A bunch of times
Congratulations from Brazil!
Congratulations on your attitude! It is important to end these abuses – Augusto, Brazil.
You GO GIRL! We need more people like you showing the youth of today that entitlement and bullying isn’t acceptable. As a 32-year-old mother, I have come a long way from the chubby grade schooler and chubby high schooler I was. In my memory, I was the bottom of the bullying totem pole. Granted, it wasn’t as harsh or physical as it is these days, but the emotional and mental scars have stayed with me long past the time it would have taken a bruise to heal. You can bet that I teach my son that compassion is the key, and fitting in doesn’t matter if they crowd is a bunch of thugs. I left my abusive ex-husband when my son was 3 days old so he wouldn’t grow up thinking this behavior is OK. Keep on what you’re doing, and you can bet your schedule will be overflowing with TONS of beautiful people. 🙂
WTG, Jen! Even if you do face backlash, know that you did the right thing!
Nice! Good decision, but I think you shoukd go further. Every person has skeletons. It’s something you should challenge yourself to keep in mind when you’re shooting – I smell a very interesting art-project here for you. Just sayin’.
awesome. you make me want to be “beautiful enough” to be photographed by you. 🙂
I totally agree with your decision. It it not acceptable for them to act that way and I hope it does make an impression on them that they need to change their ways.
Money isn’t everything and you would have been worse off had you taken the photos and associated your studio with them. Also, look on the bright side, you have lots of new fans! 🙂
Well done Jen.
A brave decision in the current sociopolitical climate which seems to accept and in some cases laud cruelty and bullying. I lived throughout my school days with bullying; whilst agreeing that the bully may need help the first part is to tell them their actions are unacceptable and will incur sanctions.
agree….
As @Kristin said “Thank you for standing up in what you believe in.” But I have to warn you, the moment you practice what you believe in on homosexual mafia, you’re screwed.