“You Can Fix That in Photoshop-Right?”: Tales From a Wedding Photographer
If you’ve ever worked with me, you already know I show up to every wedding armed with two cameras, way too many snacks, and an equally ridiculous sense of humor. Consider this my little comedy hour …a tongue-in-cheek peek into the chaos, the characters, and the moments that make me laugh after I’ve finished editing 1,500 photos and consumed an alarming amount of caffeine.
I genuinely love what I do. I love my couples. And if you’ve ever been in front of my camera, you already know , I bring the humor with me. This isn’t a complaint list or a cry for help (though, caffeine donations are always welcome). It’s just me pulling back the curtain, laughing at the madness, and maybe –just maybe- giving you a glimpse of why wedding photographers deserve both hazard pay and therapy. 😉
Alright, that’s enough storytelling for today…excuse me while I go find the cookie table. Priorities, people.
Future Bestseller: The (Mostly) True Stories Behind Wedding Photography
1. How to Avoid the Church Ladies
Because they will tell you how to do your job, stand directly in the background of your shots, and give you dirty looks if you so much as breathe near the altar. You’ll know them instantly, their perfume hits before their judgment does. They’ve been volunteering here since Moses was a baby, and they take that power very seriously.
They’ll remind you (loudly) that “flash photography isn’t allowed”… even if the priest just told you it was fine. They’ll rearrange floral arrangements mid-ceremony because “it’ll look better for God.” They’ll scold you for walking down the wrong aisle, then ask for a copy of the photos afterward.
Pro tip: if you see a cardigan with shoulder pads and a name tag that says Ethel, proceed with caution. Smile, nod, and pretend to write something down when they give “suggestions.” You’re not going to win this battle—just pray the organ starts playing loud enough to drown out the unsolicited direction.
2. Editing Depends on How Nice She Was to Me
Lightroom runs on kindness (and caffeine). If you were sweet, patient, and treated me like a human instead of a hired servant, I will spend hours lovingly smoothing your skin, whitening your teeth, and editing that one flyaway that’s been haunting me since 10 p.m.
But if you snapped your fingers at me, barked orders, or rolled your eyes when I asked you to move two inches to the left… well, let’s just say the “artistic choices” start looking a little different. You were mean to me? Congrats, you now have slightly bigger arms, duller teeth, and I’m using my wide-angle lens in all the wrong ways. Oops, distortion happens.
Editing is basically emotional revenge therapy with sliders. Be nice to your photographer…we control your jawline. I’m looking at your Bridesmaid Becky.
3. Have I Just Lost All Control? Or: The Drunk Wedding Party’s Guide to Chaos.
You know that moment when you look around and realize you’ve officially lost the room? The groomsmen are chugging Fireball in the back of the party bus, the bridesmaids have turned the bouquet into a microphone, and the best man is missing, last seen “checking on the limo.” The DJ’s playing Shots by LMFAO, the timeline is dead, and I’m just standing there with my camera like a war correspondent documenting the fall of civilization.
This is the moment I stop posing people and start praying for usable frames. Someone always decides they’re a model now, “Wait, get one of me doing this!”, and suddenly I’m photographing what looks like a Dollar General version of a Vogue editorial.
The drunker they get, the more “creative” they become. By the end of the night, I’ve got a groomsman laying on the dance floor doing snow angels in spilled beer and a bridesmaid trying to convince me to take “just one” more photo even though she’s blinking on a four-second delay.
And through it all, I just smile, keep shooting, and whisper to myself: You’re being paid. You’re being paid. You’re being paid.
4. Did You Have to Put That There?
No, I can’t make the fire extinguisher look “whimsical,” Sharon.
Every wedding has that person , the well-meaning decorator, venue staff member, or distant relative who decided that the best place for the trash can, exit sign, or massive industrial fan was directly behind the first kiss.
I walk into venues like a bomb squad member scanning for background hazards. Giant “EXIT” sign above the altar? Check. Folding chair graveyard in the corner? Double check. DJ’s tangled extension cords running through my frame like it’s modern art? Triple check.
And don’t even get me started on the random clutter that appears right as I lift my camera: half-empty Starbucks cups, baby strollers, Diet Coke cans, and purses thrown on the ceremony arch like it’s a coat rack.
Sure, I could “fix it in Photoshop,” but do you know how long it takes to clone out an entire trash bin? Hint: longer than the actual ceremony. So no, I can’t make the fire extinguisher look romantic, the thermostat “blend in,” or the random groomsman’s vape cloud look ethereal.
Pro tip: before the ceremony starts, look around and ask yourself, “Would I want this immortalized forever?” If the answer’s no… move it.
5. Fix Your Face
Because someone’s always mid-chew, mid-blink, or mid-eye-roll behind the bride.
You are in the background of the photos whether you realize it or not, so maybe, just maybe, stop glaring like you’re plotting your escape. Every wedding has that one guest who forgets the photographer’s job is to capture everything. You think you’re invisible because you’re off to the side? Nope. Congratulations, you’re now immortalized forever behind the bride with the exact expression of someone who just smelled bad shrimp.
I can’t tell you how many gorgeous, emotional moments I’ve captured, bride crying, groom beaming, sunlight streaming through the window….and then there it is. You. Arms crossed. Scowling. Eating your dinner roll with the intensity of a mugshot.
So, friendly reminder: if you’re anywhere near a camera, assume you’re in the shot. Smile. Laugh. Pretend to enjoy yourself. Because in 30 years, when your grandkids are flipping through that album, you don’t want them asking, “Grandma, why did you hate love?”
6. Girl, I Know You’re Not Wearing Gutchies
A cautionary tale about sheer dresses and questionable underwear choices.
Listen. I love confidence. I love self-expression. I love when people feel free enough to drop it like it’s hot on the dance floor.
But I also love not knowing you that intimately.
When the DJ turns up “Yeah!” by Usher and you’re out there throwing it back like you’re auditioning for a Vegas residency, just know: I can see straight into your soul. My camera catches everything. And later, when I’m editing on a BIG computer monitor, I’m zoomed in way closer than either of us ever wanted.
There are some things you just can’t unsee, like the color, texture, and possibly brand of what’s (not) happening under that dress. MEOW.
So please, for the love of modesty and my eyeballs, do a quick mirror check before hitting the dance floor. Remember: the flash sees all, and Photoshop is powerful, but it ain’t that powerful.
7. “You Can Fix That in Photoshop”
Sure, I’ll just go to Hogwarts for that level of magic.
Ah yes, the six words that haunt every photographer’s dreams. The universal phrase uttered at every wedding, by every person, at every inconvenient moment. “You can fix that in Photoshop,” they say, as if I have a wand instead of a Wacom pen.
You blinked in every photo? No problem, I’ll just open your eyes using telepathy. Your ex showed up uninvited and stood in the family portraits? Great, let me just de-ex him real quick. You spilled red wine down your ivory dress? Accio, Tide Pen!
Look, Photoshop can do a lot, but it can’t fix bad decisions, bad lighting, or bad attitudes. I can tweak colors, smooth skin, maybe remove that random exit sign, but when you ask me to add someone who didn’t attend the wedding, make you look “10 years younger,” or “remove 30 pounds but keep my boobs the same,” that’s no longer editing. That’s sorcery.
So no, I can’t fix your cousin’s mullet, your sunburn, or your regret. I’m a photographer, not a magician.
8. “Hey Camera Girl! You Might Wanna Go Get That!”
Every uncle thinks he’s the director of photography.
There’s always one. Usually wearing cargo shorts, sunglasses on his head, and holding a lukewarm beer. He spots something “important” happening, like the ring bearer picking his nose, and suddenly decides he’s Spielberg. “Hey camera girl! You might wanna go get that!”
First of all, I’ve already got it. I saw it five seconds before you did. Because here’s the thing: there are two photographers here, moving like stealthy little wedding ninjas. We’ve clocked the moments, anticipated the chaos, and are already three steps ahead while you’re still narrating what’s happening in real time.
I promise…we see it. We see everything. The problem is, you snapping your fingers and pointing like a crossing guard doesn’t help.
9. I’m a Photographer Too (So What Lens Is That?)
Ah yes, because you took that one photo of your dog in 2012.
There’s always one. The well-meaning cousin, groomsman, or aunt who dusted off their DSLR just in time to “talk shop” during the ceremony. I’ll be mid-pose, directing a 20-person bridal party, and hear it from the sidelines:
“I’m a photographer too!”
That’s adorable. I bet you still have that Canon Rebel Life neck strap and an SD card full of sunsets, dogs, and latte art.
And right on cue comes the follow-up question:
“So, what lens are you using?”
It’s like a secret handshake, except instead of respect, it’s code for I once watched half a YouTube tutorial on aperture.
Listen, I truly love the enthusiasm. Photography’s awesome! But this isn’t a backyard golden retriever shoot—, it’s a full-blown, emotionally charged, high-speed circus with timelines, low lighting, tequila-fueled bridal parties, and moms wielding Pinterest boards like ancient scrolls of power.
Meanwhile, you’re hovering over my shoulder, whispering about ISO settings while I’m trying to keep 200 humans coordinated and not blinking simultaneously.
It’s all love though, grab a drink, hit the dance floor, and let me handle the chaos. I promise I’ll make it look so effortless that you’ll want to dig out your camera again.
10.“Can You Photoshop Grandma In?”
She wasn’t at the wedding, but sure, let’s summon her spirit.
This one always starts so innocently. I deliver the gallery, they love it, and then I get the message: “Hey, can you Photoshop Grandma in? She couldn’t make it that day.”
Ah yes, of course, let me just consult my Ouija board and open up the Adobe Afterlife Suite. I’ll plop her right between the maid of honor and the cake, floating slightly off the ground for dramatic effect. Should she be wearing her Sunday best or something more “ethereal”?
Here’s the thing: I get it. You miss Grandma. We all love Grandma. But unless she’s standing in the actual photo, I can’t magically materialize her from the great beyond. (Trust me, if I could, I’d start with my own relatives and maybe a few missing groomsmen.)
Sometimes people think Photoshop is a time machine, cloning lab, and spiritual portal all in one…and honestly, if it were, I’d be retired on an island somewhere by now.
So, until Adobe releases Photoshop Resurrection Edition, maybe let’s just honor Grandma the old-fashioned way… a toast in her name.
11.Reception Lighting and Other Forms of Torture
Because who doesn’t love magenta uplighting?
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to photograph a wedding reception, imagine trying to capture elegant, emotional moments inside a nightclub from a 2003 Pitbull music video.
One minute, the couple’s sharing their first dance in a romantic golden glow. The next minute, the DJ hits a button and suddenly everyone looks like they’re being interrogated inside a cotton-candy factory. Magenta. Blue. Green. Strobe. It’s a rave. I’m sweating. The camera’s crying.
Uplighting is the wedding world’s greatest optical illusion. It looks amazing to the guests, fun, festive, fancy, but to a photographer? It’s like chasing natural light through a disco ball. There’s no preset in Lightroom called “Electric Purple Face Correction.”
So I do what any professional does: adjust my white balance, pray to the photography gods, and silently question every life decision that led me here while the best man gives a speech under the world’s brightest blue spotlight.
Pro tip: if you ever want to know who your true wedding MVP is, it’s the photographer calmly editing your neon-pink reception photos at 1 a.m. with a bottle of wine and a tear in their eye.
12. The Timeline That Time Forgot
When the hair and makeup “ran 10 minutes late” (translation: 90).
Ah, the wedding day timeline , a beautifully color-coded spreadsheet that was created with the best of intentions and absolutely no grasp of reality. It always starts strong: 8:00 a.m. hair and makeup, 10:00 a.m. dress on, 10:30 a.m. first look, 11:00 a.m. portraits… and by noon, we’re already an hour and a half behind, praying to the timeline gods for mercy.
It’s never anyone’s fault exactly, just the perfect storm of curling irons, fake lashes, mimosas, and a bridesmaid who “just needs to touch up her eyeliner real quick.” Hair and makeup will always swear they’re “just ten minutes behind,” which roughly translates to “your first look will now take place during sunset.”
Meanwhile, I’m in the corner recalculating every photo on the list like a NASA launch schedule, smiling politely while mentally editing out the panic.
But here’s the truth: somehow, it always works out. We may sprint through portraits, the officiant might get a little creative with the order of events, and dinner might be fashionably late, but love still gets documented, and everyone still ends up on the dance floor by the end of the night.
Still… if you want to make your photographer’s eye twitch, just say, “Don’t worry, we’ll catch up on the timeline later.” 😅
13. Can You Make Me Look Thinner?”
Sure, I’ll just crop out 70% of the frame.
Ah yes, the classic request that has haunted photographers since the dawn of digital editing. It usually comes whispered mid-session, right after someone sees the back of the camera: “Can you make me look thinner?”
Well, sure! I’ll just hit the “Slim Me Down But Keep My Boobs the Same” button, it’s right next to the “Make Me Look Like I Slept Eight Hours and Eat Kale Daily” filter. 🙃
Listen, I get it. We all have our insecurities (yes, even the girl behind the camera). But here’s the thing: my job isn’t to make you look thinner, it’s to make you look like you on your best, most joy-filled day. Because confidence photographs way better than Photoshop ever will.
Of course, if you were mean to me earlier in the day, I might “accidentally” pick the wide-angle lens. Kidding! (Mostly.)
So yes, I’ll pose you in flattering light, guide you to angles that show off your best features, and help you feel amazing…but the real magic isn’t in Photoshop. It’s in the genuine smile that happens when you forget the camera’s even there.
14.“At This Point, I’m Basically Family”
Because I’ve seen you in your underwear, cried with your mom, and eaten your chicken.
By the time I photograph a wedding, I’ve been through it with you. I’ve seen the nerves, the happy tears, the pre-ceremony chaos, and the dance floor disasters. I’ve been in the dressing room helping zip a dress, handed tissues to dads trying not to cry, and cheered from behind my camera like a proud cousin.
And yeah, I joke a lot…because humor is how I survive 12-hour days, unpredictable weather, drunk uncles, and magenta uplighting. But underneath all the sarcasm is something real: I love this job. I love my couples. I love that every single one of my brides gets me, the humor, the chaos, the honesty…and trusts me to document one of the biggest days of their lives.
So while I may joke about writing this book when I retire, the truth is… I already know how it ends. It ends with gratitude. With laughter. With hundreds of love stories I got to be part of, if only for a day.
Because at this point, I’m basically family and I wouldn’t have it any other way. ❤️
Bonus Chapters:
14. The Overzealous Bridesmaid
15. The Bouquet Toss Injury Report
16. The Cake That Defied Gravity
17. Weather? Never Heard of Her.
18. The Dance Floor Guy Who Thinks He’s a Chippendale
19. The Lost Veil Saga
20. Whose kid is that?
