I wrote a blog a month or two ago that talked about all the things I learned about being a “self employed” business owner. I was only roughly a few weeks into it when I posted the blog but I wrote about the Random Realities of Being Self Employed. It was more tongue in cheek really, I mean I talked about such things like how your boss is awesome (which is true..haha), about how you can sleep in, how you talk to yourself and answer your self because you have no co-workers to chat with. For those of you who don’t know, I recently quit my full time day job to pursue my dream of being a full time photographer. As exciting as it sounds that I’m following my dream and ultimately getting paid to do what I love, it also comes with a lot of accountability and responsibilities.I mean, I *AM* my own boss and if my business fails it’s *MY* fault, I can’t share the blame with a co-worker or a supervisor….it’s my fault.
With that said, I recently made a decision that I know could ultimately create backlash for what I’ve decided….and honestly, I don’t care! The really cool thing-(even among all the scary things of owning a business) is that you can make decisions without having to go through the hierarchy of people. On a whim yesterday after seeing something that was so appalling, I decided I was going to email some of my clients to tell them “I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos”.
Let me explain. Last night I posted on Facebook the following: “If I’m wrong, please speak up. I came across a page on Facebook that was created (by someone under a fictitious name) thats purpose is to bully, ridicule and say mean and hurtful things about their class mates. While visiting the page, I found several teenage girls that have scheduled sessions with me for their senior pictures. I am emailing them tomorrow to cancel their shoots. I do not want them to represent my business and I am beside myself at how MEAN and CRUEL they were on that page.” As I was drafting the email that I was going to send out to the clients my phone was blowing up with comments.
Now I realize it’s going to be hard to know that every person that ever contacts me isn’t a bully, I understand that…but in this specific instance it was right in front of my face. I saw it with my own eyes..it wasn’t hear say, it was right there..with their smiling face right beside such an ugly statement. I couldn’t forget about it, I mean how I could spend 2 hours with someone during our session trying to take beautiful photos of them knowing they could do such UGLY things. Realistically, I know by canceling their shoots it’s not going to make them “nicer people” but I refuse to let people like that represent my business.
This morning I sent out 4 emails to those clients while CC’ing in their parents explaining WHY I was canceling their shoots. I also included screen shots of the comments they made. They couldn’t deny it, I had the picture of what they said. I informed them that I’d be sending their deposits back and that they’d have to find another photographer. So far, I have received two emails back from their parents that claimed (I’m paraphrasing) they were shocked that this had happened. They apologized that their child acted in such a way and that they would deal with the matter. So far I haven’t received any backlash but I’m ready for it. I’m a small business owner and I have the luxury of making that decision. If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!
I’m not going to give a big speech that says how wrong or uncool it is…because let’s face it, you are seniors you should know better. I’m not trying to save the world of bullies or trying to start a movement. I simply don’t want to photograph ugly people!
To all of you who commented or “liked” the status… It’s heart warming to know that you support my decision.
Thank YOU!
*** updated 8/25/11: For those of you reading this for the first time, here is a follow up blog post that may answer any questions you may have: https://jenmckenphoto.com/blog/2011/08/25/just-to-clarify-not-shooting-ugly-people-indiana-county-pa-photographer-personal/
*** updated 8/16/12: One year later, what I learned about going viral: https://jenmckenphoto.com/2012/08/what-i-learned-about-going-viral-jen-mcken-photographer/
As someone who was bullied all through grade school and high school, THANK YOU. It will be 10 years since I’ve graduated next year, but I still carry those scars with me every single day. Knowing one person will still stand up for what’s right makes me smile.
Way to stand up to them! It’s pretty rare for someone to do that nowadays…
I am sick and tired of cowards standing up for hateful people by saying that defending yourself against hateful people makes you just like them. Pardon my French, but that’s bullshit. There have been SO many times in my life that I needed to know that a person I was interacting with had a history of being a jerk. It would have saved me SO much grief. I think I could count on ONE hand the number of times anyone’s ever bothered warning me. Then I was blamed for THEIR behavior. “Well, you should have avoided that person.” How the HELL was I supposed to do that when everyone who knew that person was pathological “stayed out of it to be the bigger person” and I was a sitting duck?
Ms. McKen hasn’t even called these girls out by name. That’s the sad part. How in the world can you bully someone when you haven’t even singled them out? How the HELL is that anything LIKE the same thing as what these girls did?
You know what, you people out there who are whining about this? YOU are just as big a bully as the girls Ms. McKen is calling out because YOU STAND BY AND LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT.
And just for the record I’m from Louisiana and I understand exactly what Ms. McKen means by “ugly.” That is exactly how we use the word down there. Yes, sometimes it means looks, but just as often it means behavior and attitude, and these girls definitely fit the bill. Take that from someone who IS physically ugly and hasn’t taken offense at Ms. McKen’s wording in the slightest. Ms. McKen, you are my hero.
The effects of bullying can last for years for those who have had to deal with bullying in school, so I give you a standing ovation for what you did. I think rather than harming your business, your taking a stand against such nasty, childish behavior will help. I certainly hope so!
I was bullied throughout elementary, middle, and most of high school. People don’t want to believe that the effects can be this long-lasting (it’s been ten years for me) but they do last. Thanks for taking a stand.
Am I the only one to say that I am glad that I don’t have to pass the inspection of a service provider who trolls my facebook every time I want to buy something. They would not be “representing” you if they purchased your service. Better that you had just informed the parents about what you found as a private citizen and then still be available to provide the sevice. I think this is a little sanctimounious.
That was brave and I feel the right thing to do. I am proud that some people in This world still stand up for what is right. Good job!
You go girl!! My wedding photographer from a few years ago posted this blog. I have a full-time job but volunteer with teens. As an advisor I want them to learn what is right and how to be leaders. We have held a lot of bullying meetings because it is heart breaking. You have done a good thing. You stood up for what you felt is right. Thank you. I am sure your business will do just fine.
Just read this through TIME, and I was once picked during junior high and still remember it until now (15 years!). THANK YOU for taking the stance! and as a fellow photographer, I have the courage to raise my own bar, NOT to be a pleaser for my customers all the time. You did the right thing!
You did the right thing. The only way to educate stupid puppies is to rub their little faces in their own shit.
Bullies maintain their power over victims through the bystanders who do nothing. BRAVO to you for not being a helpless bystander and for calling these mean girls out!!!
As an educator I’ve seen plenty of vile, hateful words and the impact they can have on others. It is our moral responsibility to act and to do our best to make it stop.
At the same time, as a parent, I can say that vast majority of us don’t set out to raise hateful children. Kids frequently make terrible choices with terrible consequences. I’ve seen kids from “good” families make such choices and technology frequently amplifies the consequences.
As adults our job is to call attention to kids’ ugly behaviors and hopefully guide them to be better human beings. I truly believe, particularly in the case of children, that 99.9% of the time there is good in there and as adults we can help kids to more frequently act on the good.
So, while I appreciate the intent of your actions, I have to wonder about the impact of naming these kids ugly as opposed to naming their behaviors as ugly. Was there an opportunity lost to make four girls look inside and change?
I don’t believe that people, particularly kids, change by being debased or dehumanized; I do believe that by calling out immoral actions as ugly and shining a bright light on the implications of these actions, people are more likely to do so. While the latter offers more opportunity for redemption, the former more often continues the cycle.
I do appreciate the forum you’ve created this important topic. Thanks!
I love it! You rock, lady!
Well done you. I completely agree with you and doubt very much you will get a backlash. I have always detested any form of bullying, and if I was to find out any of my clients were bullies, I would do the same as you. x
Just seen a link to this post on Facebook and had to pop by to say well done! Congratulations for having the guts to stand up to the bullies. x
Jen… Kudos to you… Be strong and don’t let anybody alter your peace and professionalism. It’s those little things that contribute to a better society. Wish you nothing but success with your business – GREAT PICTURES.. LOVE’EM!!!
If there were more people like you in this world, things would be a lot better for all the kids that suffer bullying.
Good Job!
You actions, while taken in the name of righteousness and would be considered noble by millions of people, raises some questions about your logic. I raise these issues not to ridicule you, because you had a right to make the decision you made, but to encourage deeper thinking about how humans interact in society.
First, your decision not to photograph the individuals is based upon your discovery that they engaged in poor behavior after they became clients. Did you stipulate beforehand to your clients that you will not work with people who engage in behavior disagreeable to you? If not, I would say that your actions would be considered frivolous, since the individuals did not know beforehand. In other words, you changed the terms of the mutual agreement between service provider and consumer after the agreement as consummated. Where do you draw the line in terms of what behavior is okay by you and what behavior is not okay by you? This is a subtle point, but trust that business agreements will be honored is basic requirement of capitalism.
Secondly, just because you didn’t see it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. In other words, are you 100% sure all your previous clients did not engage in behavior you would have disapproved of had you found out? If you now find out that a previous client was a bully, what would you do? Let it slide, or call them out? Will you research all your potential clients going forward to make sure they are not bullies? You would be remiss to believe that people are as they appear, as you have recently discovered! Sometimes it is easier to be lied to than to be told the truth.
You were fully in the right to take the actions you did, but personally I am skeptical as to your logic and future consistency of your actions.
in a society that, it seems to me, grows increasingly narcissistic and self involved/important by the day, I find what you did to be, for lack of a better word, AWESOME! have a nice day…
Right on Joe. Seems like most of the people posting are remembering their own experiences with bullies and are glad they are getting some payback rather than the actual moral clarity of her actions. Your points are spot on.
Hi! I wanted to say you go, girl. Bullying is never right, and all I can say is you handled this in an extremely awesome way. I hope those girls did learn a little something, though. (You said in your blog you didn’t think it would change them, but I hope that they’ll think twice before bullying again.)
Quite right – I can’t see how you can spend hours with someone gaining their trust and working with them to do a good portrait and creating good photos with that knowledge…the trust is gone right there, and I’m sure you could do the shoot, but that knowledge about them would probably leak through somewhere into your work, or destroy your experience of it – either way that’s not conducive to doing the best job for them – so it’s right to request they go to another photographer. And good on you for standing against bullying!
@ Joe: You made two points, both of which can be refuted. Your first is mostly about the legality of breaking a contract. While this might interest a lawyer, it has little to do with morality. If the photographer broke a contract, she would be civily liable, but my guess is that no one commenting here cares about this. I know I don’t. Your second point is on the consistency of her “policy”. She clearly stated in her writing that she is aware she can’t spot every “ugly” person who walks in her door. Nor is it her job to do that. But when (as she wrote) the ugliness is presented right in front of her, she has the ability to act on it. Case closed.
@Jim S – You refute my first point by “guessing” that “no one here cares about this”- is a terrible statement to make. So we can ignore people when they raise questions/concerns because we can? That is a dangerous precedent in any setting! Communication allows for understanding and analysis; shunning people because you don’t like what they have to say has caused grief for many in the history of mankind…
But I digress.
Your second point re-establishes that Jen has the right to do what she did, which I do not refute. She HAS THE RIGHT to do what she did, by her own policies, which you restated. But my concerns are that we, as human beings, need to consider where to draw the line and how consistent we need to be in terms of going about our lives.
Yes, she is going to take action when the ugliness shows up in front of her, she can do that.
But, the question is, are you saying that something only exists when you see it and doesn’t when you do not? Think carefully here.
I wish I lived in PA so I could bring my family to you for our family portraits! What an amazing woman you are to stand up to snotty teens. I think this WILL make an impact on those girls and be something that they’ll remember!
thank you
we need more people like you in this world
Thank You
we need more wonderful people like you in this world.
As a high school teacher, I commend you. I wish more people were like you and had the strength to stand up and not tolerate bullying.
Good for you!! Sometimes it takes a slightly older person to stand up to the bullies. We had to do it a couple of years ago to protect several girls. And now that bully (and her mother) leaves that group alone. Unfortunately, she has moved on to harass others. You wouldn’t happen to know the school photographers around the LaGrange, IL area would you. So many ugly people at my daughter’s PRIVATE high school.
I think your SO brave for doing this! The world need more people like you! Your defiantly an awesome inspiration!
Good for you for doing what you felt was right. We as a society need to stop ignoring and rewarding bad behavior. To address someone above that stated that anyone that agrees with what you did was obviously bullied and mistreated when they were younger is wrong. I wasn’t bullied and was popular throughout school and I have seen many ugly things said and done to people. It’s wrong and cannot be ignored any longer. Our children are killing themselves because of things people do and say about them.
So many people think that what they say and do online has no consequences. These girls learned the hard way that what they did was wrong and had some bad consequences. Bullies need to be exposed. I was a teen not too long ago and I was terribly picked on. I can only imagine how embarrassing it would have been to have a well known business owner show their parents what they were really doing when they were supposed to be learning.
As a fellow professional photographer, I commend your efforts. I am not sure what I would have done in your situation but you are brave.
The world needs more people like you, Jen. You give me hope for humanity!
As a survivor of really cruel bullying, I commend you! It was long enough ago that the comments were in writing and it was called a “slam book” but those comments went viral (verbal) before long. If an adult had possessed the courage and morality to stand up for me, my childhood would have been very different.
Way to go!! I totally agree with what you are doing. On the contract issue – well, aren’t those worried about it missing the larger point here? If it were my daughter behaving this way, a contract with a photog would be the last thing on my mind.
Girls need to know this kind of thing is NOT OK. The consequences of their actions are further reaching than they think. There is enough cruelty between humans these days. Time to shift.
Thank you. I no longer live in western PA, but I was proud to see someone from my neck of the woods take a stand against mean-spirited people. I only wish you had been around 30 years ago when I needed you.
Well spoken, madam. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
I think that you are a hero. As a new teacher, you really act as an inspiriation that I will take forward as I go into education. @Sylvia , man, sometimes we can judge, I got with “judge by the content of their character bit” of my favorite orator..
You can’t judge everything, and people need to be free, but there needs to be ballance, and yes, we can judge people, especially when their freedoms interfere with others ability to enact their own.
Hero.
@Joe I agree you can’t see the curelty, b ut taking action on what you can might instil in people that in this case, might instil in a few people who are not quite as cruel that this is not the right way.. If it hinders another bully, or cruel act.. it is worth it..
We are remembered for what we do for others, and the myopitic attitudes many people have are self destructive and lead not to happiness most of the time..
She cannot catch them all, but she can make her stand make them feel maybe a little awful while they are being shot knowing her stance..
Your business, you returned the deposits – I have no issue with it and no one else should either. I applaud it.
In fact as a working mother with 3 small kids at home I recently made a change in my in home care giver / nanny for the past 3 years because she has been engaged in bullying and mean-ness with another of our part time sitters that just came to my attention. When the mean nanny protested and said the other girl stole her job that she did not of this at work etc – I told her that as the mother of my children I would make child care decisions that were best for my kids and I believe being empathetic and modeling kind, empathetic behaviors to be a job requirement and based on her behavior outside of work with another employee of mine (and sometimes she brought the behaviors into my own home even if they were not directed at my kids my kids were a witness to it) that she was out of a job effective immediately.
I was never bullied or a mean girl but knew plenty of girls who were either bullied by others or mean girls themselves and i have to say damn that felt good!
I think it’s so great you are taking a stand against bullying! Go you!
Our Growing Garden
Good for you, I applaud you! I’m also a photographer with a small business and I would have done the same thing. I totally understand what you mean by not wanting photos of those girls to represent your business. Beauty shines from within and it shows in a photograph … and in this case what is “within” those particular girls is not beauty. I can’t imagine spending a few hours trying to shoot “glamor” photos of those girls, knowing how they really are.
What you did is such a great example. Too often people stand idly by while bad behavior is taking place and by doing so are really condoning it in a way. By taking a stand and letting those people know that their behavior is unacceptable you took action and made them accountable for their actions. More people need to take courageous action like you.
You did the right thing. Thank you for your courage, and for sharing your story. I hope it encourages others to do the same.
Praise in public; scold in private.
What you did was right for you and your business.
Writing about it publically is where you fall into a similar pattern as the offenders.
You don’t need to be praised publicly for a private decision, or it alters the intention of what you’re doing.
You should also change your contracts. “Joe” was right; it taken to court you could be held to take the pictures. If a contract was signed, and consideration (money) was exchanged — you are legally bound unless disolving the contract was mutal or the other party violated a stipulation.
Just an extra helping on your food for thought 🙂
I know you’re getting a zillion emails about this, but I *HAVE* to comment to you.. to thank you. I’m also a photographer and I have turned down jobs because the person was ugly on the inside. It’s nice to see I’m not alone. It’s nice to see you shared this publicly. And it’s nice to see you are honestly taking the moral ground by not sharing the same mud back. Thank you.
I was viciously bullied online in high school, and despite having screenshots, printouts, and names, none of the adults I told were willing to help me. Thank you for standing up to these girls, Jen. Someone needs to do it. ♥
I commend you for making a bold move and thinking with your heart (not your wallet). I am so frustrated by the media stories of children/teens being bullied in school and online. The fact that you took a stand really is heart warming. I hope more people are willing to take a stand, I know I am!
As a mother and a former kid who was teased in school, “Thank you!” You are setting a wonderful example to business owners and showing that even small steps make a HUGE difference.
Thank you. I want my 5 year old daughter to grow up with someone like YOU as her hero.
You made a hard decision and you took a stand for what’s right. I salute you.
Oh yea! You go girl! I like a person that stands up to any bully! God will bless you. Wait and see.
the world needs more Jen McKen’s. You are a true hero!