I wrote a blog a month or two ago that talked about all the things I learned about being a “self employed” business owner. I was only roughly a few weeks into it when I posted the blog but I wrote about the Random Realities of Being Self Employed. It was more tongue in cheek really, I mean I talked about such things like how your boss is awesome (which is true..haha), about how you can sleep in, how you talk to yourself and answer your self because you have no co-workers to chat with. For those of you who don’t know, I recently quit my full time day job to pursue my dream of being a full time photographer. As exciting as it sounds that I’m following my dream and ultimately getting paid to do what I love, it also comes with a lot of accountability and responsibilities.I mean, I *AM* my own boss and if my business fails it’s *MY* fault, I can’t share the blame with a co-worker or a supervisor….it’s my fault.
With that said, I recently made a decision that I know could ultimately create backlash for what I’ve decided….and honestly, I don’t care! The really cool thing-(even among all the scary things of owning a business) is that you can make decisions without having to go through the hierarchy of people. On a whim yesterday after seeing something that was so appalling, I decided I was going to email some of my clients to tell them “I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos”.
Let me explain. Last night I posted on Facebook the following: “If I’m wrong, please speak up. I came across a page on Facebook that was created (by someone under a fictitious name) thats purpose is to bully, ridicule and say mean and hurtful things about their class mates. While visiting the page, I found several teenage girls that have scheduled sessions with me for their senior pictures. I am emailing them tomorrow to cancel their shoots. I do not want them to represent my business and I am beside myself at how MEAN and CRUEL they were on that page.” As I was drafting the email that I was going to send out to the clients my phone was blowing up with comments.
Now I realize it’s going to be hard to know that every person that ever contacts me isn’t a bully, I understand that…but in this specific instance it was right in front of my face. I saw it with my own eyes..it wasn’t hear say, it was right there..with their smiling face right beside such an ugly statement. I couldn’t forget about it, I mean how I could spend 2 hours with someone during our session trying to take beautiful photos of them knowing they could do such UGLY things. Realistically, I know by canceling their shoots it’s not going to make them “nicer people” but I refuse to let people like that represent my business.
This morning I sent out 4 emails to those clients while CC’ing in their parents explaining WHY I was canceling their shoots. I also included screen shots of the comments they made. They couldn’t deny it, I had the picture of what they said. I informed them that I’d be sending their deposits back and that they’d have to find another photographer. So far, I have received two emails back from their parents that claimed (I’m paraphrasing) they were shocked that this had happened. They apologized that their child acted in such a way and that they would deal with the matter. So far I haven’t received any backlash but I’m ready for it. I’m a small business owner and I have the luxury of making that decision. If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!
I’m not going to give a big speech that says how wrong or uncool it is…because let’s face it, you are seniors you should know better. I’m not trying to save the world of bullies or trying to start a movement. I simply don’t want to photograph ugly people!
To all of you who commented or “liked” the status… It’s heart warming to know that you support my decision.
Thank YOU!
*** updated 8/25/11: For those of you reading this for the first time, here is a follow up blog post that may answer any questions you may have: https://jenmckenphoto.com/blog/2011/08/25/just-to-clarify-not-shooting-ugly-people-indiana-county-pa-photographer-personal/
*** updated 8/16/12: One year later, what I learned about going viral: https://jenmckenphoto.com/2012/08/what-i-learned-about-going-viral-jen-mcken-photographer/
Good for you! SO proud of you for making this (difficult, but courageous) decision.
LOVE IT! My mom always told me: “Beauty is skin deep. Ugly is to the BONE!” Good job taking a stand.
From one Jen to another, very well done!! I think we should all stand up to bullies with actions that disarm them such as what you have done. Your actions are very inspirational.
Finally!!! Someone calling out female bullies. The psychological warfare they wage causes lifetimes of suffering for their victims. Because it’s not “tangible” it often goes completely unnoticed. Thank you Jen!!!!
THANK YOU for taking a stand against bullying. Your bravery and strong ethical code are inspiring, and I hope more people take a page out of your book and do the right thing.
Ultimately, bullying is a form of extreme judgmentalism and what everyone has failed to realize is that Jennifer’s blog post is itself a form of bullying. By calling people MEAN and CRUEL and condemning these “UGLY” people in a public forum–she has become exactly what she is ranting against.
You need to change your wording to I won’t photograph bullies. Saying you won’t photograph ugly people makes it sound like you don’t like people that aren’t beautiful. Good for you for taking a stand against bullies
Hi Jen,
Read about your story and I have to applaud you. Way to stay true to your character and not hold back. I love that you said you refused to photograph ugly people. I greatly admire you – I think you’re a strong woman who sent a clear message that beauty – or ugliness – is within.
Bravo.
I think what you did was very brave. I am now a “fan” of yours too!
Jen, you are my new idol.
As an educator, it’s my job it help prevent bullying but having the students from 9-3 is just not enough hours in a day. I will personally recommend your photography service and keep you in mind for my own pictures BECAUSE of what you did. Any business you may have lost will be REPLACED with “beautiful” people inside and out. I believe the company you keep is a direct reflection on yourself and who you become. Kudos to you for surrounding yourself with good people and setting an example for others to do the same.
Congratulations on doing a brave, powerful and righteous thing. I am hopeful that this young women learned an important lesson early in life. I know it wasn’t easy for their parents to receive that information, but it gives them the opportunity to set them straight. I hope it works.
I have a 12 year old and a 9 year old. They are NOT on facebook, and I am so relieved. There is so much ugliness in the cyberworld. It is a powerful tool that should only be used for positive things.
Bless you Jen, and wishinng you much success in the future!
I think your decision not to photograph these girls showed a great deal of character. Your decision to make the story public – even without publishing their names – doesn’t show the same level of thoughtfulness. While I get that you’re hoping to call attention to bullying, I can’t help but think that it comes across, as another person indicated, a little bit harsh. Kids can say terrible things to each other and that’s not okay. But saying terrible things about those kids doesn’t make it okay either.
Kim, calling someone’s behavior for what it is doesn’t make you a bully…how would you describe the actions of these 4 girls? Thoughtful? Caring? Compassionate? Didn’t think so…and to Jen, you deserve a standing ovation for sending a message to the bullies of this world…keep up the good work!
I am soooo proud of you!!!! I am a Mom and I hope and pray that my own daughter grows up to be a strong woman like you! I LOVE what you did and from all those that have been the victim or are this minute the victim of bullying…we applaud you!
God Bless YOU!!!!
Joanne
As a photographer who works a lot with teens, and the father of two daughters, I really applaud what you’ve done. Great, great job!
Nice!!!! Way to go Jen. Thank you so much for standing up. Thank you for not letting the loss of business from these 4 girls stop you from doing the right thing. There is so much greed these days. You brought back some of my faith. Thank you!!!
Congratulations on a moral stand, Jen. My son attends IUP and is someone who was laughed at in school, but didn’t really seem to realize it due to his Aspergers Syndrome. He was nominated for Homecoming King, earned 7 varsity letters, was team captain for CC and Track, became an Eagle Scout, and received numerous awards, scholarships, and honors over his high school career. The biggest bully in elementary school earned 1 award at graduation and only played Varsity baseball 2 years due to his junior and senior years, not skill(he played very little). If only these bullied children who ended up committing suicide could have held on, they, too, could have been successful. But that’s easier said then done, especially without adult interference. Hopefully more people will stand up for what is right. However, to accuse the parents of teaching this behavior to their daughters is wrong (not that you accused them, but some commentors). I have an 18 year old daughter that would rather “fit in” then “stand out.” I have always been one to root for the underdog, but she is very sarcastic and judgemental. I continue to pray that she will learn compassion, because I think deep down she has it. But girls especially are so wrapped up in an image, and when they have a low self-esttem, they try to make themselves feel better by trashing others. It’s really sad, because they don’t see that it only makes them look bad to everyone else. Two sets of parents were obviously concerned. I think 2 of the girls will have a change of heart. I’m not from the computer age, so I have no idea what my kids have on facebook without someone letting me know. You did the right thing by putting it in the parents’ laps.
I have just one comment; I just love what you did!!
Ugly is as ugly does. Anyone feeling sorry for these girls has to know this. There’s no false equivalence here. I wouldn’t photograph your ugly, hateful children, either, and neither should she.
Can I just say, I FREAKIN LOVE YOU!!! What you did was awesome, and I hope it has a positive affect on these girls and your business. It’s easy to be mean to people it is not easy to do the right thing and call them out! I’m so so so glad the parents were informed 🙂 hopefully the girls will look back on this when they’re older and realize what bitches they are
Cheers! Well done well said.
I think it was brave of you. I applaud it!
I applaud you! I once worked for a photographer who would not photograph physically ugly people – he said it wasn’t good for his portfolio. I knew that my reaction to such a statement would get me fired quickly, and it did! It only took a month for him to show his true colors to me. I don’t work for ugly people anymore.
I came across this on PetaPixel.com.
Fair play Jen – good to know decency, morality, and ethics still exist…and down with cyberbullying.
P.
Kudos to you, and to the parents that apologized! You are proof that there are ways to maintain a sense of conduct and community online There was a time when the adult community was expected to guide the kids of their community. If Mrs. So-and-So saw you skipping school, your mother would know before you got home. A code of conduct was understood and enforced. Nowadays, people are reluctant to say anything to a misbehaving child. Schools have too long been an environment of lawlessness in terms of bullying. I long for the day when parents, teachers and school staff create a code of conduct against bullying that’s enforced.
The world needs more people like you.
I wonder if those girls would like to share senior pics with the comments they made splashed across the bottom if they’re so proud of being so internally ugly.
Jen, I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you for standing up for what you believe in. I was always bullied for being “fat” and it’s nice to see someone like you sticking up for the victims of bullying. Good for you! And by the way, your photos are amazing.
As a kid who was bullied from the age of 7 to I left school at 18, I just wanted to THANK YOU!! You have NO idea what your actions mean to someone like me. I wish there were MORE people in the world like you! You are a HERO!!
Great for you. I find people that bully in any form are cowards and should be called out on it. Oft times parents like to say what their kids are’nt doing, but if they are’nt with them 24/7, they can’t say what they will or will not do.
Yeah! I LOVE what you did and I applaud your chutzpuh!
You are awesome!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Imagine what this could start if the WEB were used to shame those who are destroying young lives with bullying, ostracizing and even exhibiting violence towards those who are different or who don’t measure up to the marketplace’s constant push for perfection. If the internet is the new village, the those of us who are descent human beings in this vast village need to do what you have done and let it be known. Our children need to know that the bullies are the real uglies, not them. Good for you Jen Mcken!
This is so awesome! Way to go…your message is strong, and has reached so far in a short amount of time. I just shared with all of my facebook fans, and I hope that they too will pass along your story! Thanks for being awesome!
Crystal Lynn
BRAVO! Someone HAS to take a stand against these kinds of things and I know many times the parents truly have no idea. I don’t blame them, I was a teenager once and how much I could hide if need be. But that means other people, like yourself, have to take a stand when they see it. You never know the impact what you did could be having. You could be saving lives. Good for you!!
I’ve only recently been harshly bullied by a relative, and we’re both adults! Now that I know how horrible cyberbullying is, I’ve been trying to take a stand against bullying and do what I can on my end. I’m just so happy that you’re doing what you can on your end. I wish that you lived closer, I would get all of our family photos done with you!
Well done! These girls just learned a valuable lesson.
You have officially started the new trend of making it UNCOOL to bully!! Fabulous idea-best of luck to you in your business.
BRAVA!!!! You are definitely one of my self-employed heroes.
Many many years ago (almost 25?), a self-employed typesetter I knew took on a job from the local Catholic Bishop. While she was working on the project, the Bishop came out against the local United Way (which she strongly supported) because Planned Parenthood was one of their charities. She had already accepted the Bishop’s project, which was under deadline, and decided it would be unprofessional of her to quit…but she refused to accept payment for the job. Of course, the Bishop didn’t get the point and merely enjoyed the savings, but my friend knew that her conscience was clear. (I would have been inclined to donate the payment to Planned Parenthood in his name…but that’s me.)
We each have to determine where the lines are and which ones we are or are not willing to cross. I have been asked by potential customers to bead copies of other people’s designs. That’s easy: not happening.
Now THAT is BEAUTIFUL!
Followed a twitter link here and read this aloud to my housemate, we’re in agreement: you rock! Never stop doing what you know is right!
I just finished reading the story and BRAVO to your stance against bullies. I found it to be refreshing to see a professional more concerned with morality and not the bottom line… BRAVO again… Nicely Done!
You ROCK Jen!!! THank you for standing up for what’s right!
HOORAY to you! Having 3 girls (oldest in middle school) I witness the harm that hurtful words have. I want to pull the nasty girls/boys aside that say nasty things and give them a piece of my mind. Alas, I know that would not change anything. Thank you for standing up for the girls that were being so horribly spoken of. The world needs more random acts such as yours.
Great blog! I just read an article about you on Yahoo & Huff Post. Thank you for standing up to bullying. I was picked on a few times in school by a couple people, but never so bad that I hated going to school. But, some of what a few people said to me still stays with me. Mostly, just because I was so shocked people could be so mean. You are totally right. CHOOSING to be ugly on the inside is just not cool.
After reading a few of your recent blogs, I must say, I actually like reading your viewpoints and how you write. Some of the charm of your personality is evident in your blog writing. I certainly hope this new fame that is putting you and your work under the public’s eye will end up being a positive thing for you. There are certainly going to be hateful people who just want to spread their ugliness to others, esp. towards people who are trying to do the right thing. Please ignore them. And know that I am yet another person who applauds what you did. Much luck with your business & life! Cheers! 🙂
Knowing how bad it was just ten years ago, I would hate to be in high school now, with facebook and all other prevalent social media. It might not be far reaching or matter in the grand scheme of things, and those girls may not admit it- but you taught them a lesson. Thumbs up.
Jen, as a fellow photographer, I applaud your response to this. I pray that your moral stand will inspire other professionals in all disciplines to have the same courage of conviction, and that you will prosper because other potential clients chose to do business with you because they have seen the content of your character.
Inspiring! Awesome! You Rock!!
BRAVO I SAY TO YOU!!!!
I just recently had the same experience, these kids were leaving death threats to each other. After a few parental bogus lawsuit threats in the end turned out to be such a liberating feeling! I knew I had made the right decision and although I probably expressed too much personal opinions in my letters I was very confident I made the right choice in the end.
Hopefully more photographers will do the same in the future. In a time where we glamorize so much of our lives on FB and online, the message we must send to these young people is whether they in fact are living the true reflection of that which they portray on FB, none the less this is how they will be judged. and not only that, its is just as permanently left behind as verbal words, maybe even more so. This also goes for posting inappropriate photos of themselves at parties or with friends. Much like a tattoo anything you leave online will be with you the rest of your life. As a Photographer I certainly to not want my images associated or immortalized with anyone who cannot treat their fellow man or woman with the respect he or she deserve.
What were the mean, ugly, cruel comments, though? I admire your temerity, but I think its fair to know what was said that made you decide to do this…
If I just accepted your negative opinion about someone else, then I’m doing the same thing that you’re trying to fight against, after all!
Redact anything that would make it obvious who its referring to, but I do think it should be available so we can see for ourselves.