I wrote a blog a month or two ago that talked about all the things I learned about being a “self employed” business owner. I was only roughly a few weeks into it when I posted the blog but I wrote about the Random Realities of Being Self Employed. It was more tongue in cheek really, I mean I talked about such things like how your boss is awesome (which is true..haha), about how you can sleep in, how you talk to yourself and answer your self because you have no co-workers to chat with. For those of you who don’t know, I recently quit my full time day job to pursue my dream of being a full time photographer. As exciting as it sounds that I’m following my dream and ultimately getting paid to do what I love, it also comes with a lot of accountability and responsibilities.I mean, I *AM* my own boss and if my business fails it’s *MY* fault, I can’t share the blame with a co-worker or a supervisor….it’s my fault.
With that said, I recently made a decision that I know could ultimately create backlash for what I’ve decided….and honestly, I don’t care! The really cool thing-(even among all the scary things of owning a business) is that you can make decisions without having to go through the hierarchy of people. On a whim yesterday after seeing something that was so appalling, I decided I was going to email some of my clients to tell them “I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos”.
Let me explain. Last night I posted on Facebook the following: “If I’m wrong, please speak up. I came across a page on Facebook that was created (by someone under a fictitious name) thats purpose is to bully, ridicule and say mean and hurtful things about their class mates. While visiting the page, I found several teenage girls that have scheduled sessions with me for their senior pictures. I am emailing them tomorrow to cancel their shoots. I do not want them to represent my business and I am beside myself at how MEAN and CRUEL they were on that page.” As I was drafting the email that I was going to send out to the clients my phone was blowing up with comments.
Now I realize it’s going to be hard to know that every person that ever contacts me isn’t a bully, I understand that…but in this specific instance it was right in front of my face. I saw it with my own eyes..it wasn’t hear say, it was right there..with their smiling face right beside such an ugly statement. I couldn’t forget about it, I mean how I could spend 2 hours with someone during our session trying to take beautiful photos of them knowing they could do such UGLY things. Realistically, I know by canceling their shoots it’s not going to make them “nicer people” but I refuse to let people like that represent my business.
This morning I sent out 4 emails to those clients while CC’ing in their parents explaining WHY I was canceling their shoots. I also included screen shots of the comments they made. They couldn’t deny it, I had the picture of what they said. I informed them that I’d be sending their deposits back and that they’d have to find another photographer. So far, I have received two emails back from their parents that claimed (I’m paraphrasing) they were shocked that this had happened. They apologized that their child acted in such a way and that they would deal with the matter. So far I haven’t received any backlash but I’m ready for it. I’m a small business owner and I have the luxury of making that decision. If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!
I’m not going to give a big speech that says how wrong or uncool it is…because let’s face it, you are seniors you should know better. I’m not trying to save the world of bullies or trying to start a movement. I simply don’t want to photograph ugly people!
To all of you who commented or “liked” the status… It’s heart warming to know that you support my decision.
Thank YOU!
*** updated 8/25/11: For those of you reading this for the first time, here is a follow up blog post that may answer any questions you may have: https://jenmckenphoto.com/blog/2011/08/25/just-to-clarify-not-shooting-ugly-people-indiana-county-pa-photographer-personal/
*** updated 8/16/12: One year later, what I learned about going viral: https://jenmckenphoto.com/2012/08/what-i-learned-about-going-viral-jen-mcken-photographer/
Proud to be the almost 300th (!) comment in support of your choice. I only wish you were closer so I could hire you.
Yours will be the best kind of success, since you’re not compromising who you are to get there.
Hats off!
You are awesome. Thank you. I was bullied horribly as a school kid. I’m 31 now but it still affects me today. Thank you for standing behind your conviction and sending the message that at least there is someone out there that doesn’t think bullying is just kids being kids or cute or funny. Thank you.
I agree whole heartily with what you did !! Good for you for sticking to your principles. Being a IUP Comm Media grad myself, I have seen too many businesses selling out for the buck. Do not fret about the backlash because ironically, this will probably help your business even though that wasn’t your intention.
Having been bullied for many years verbally, physically and emotionally I know how it feels. It changes you forever. Maybe this will let kids realize there are consequences to their stupid, ill thought-out and immature actions.
Too many people think they can be mean spirited and bully someone. It is bad enough to do it in person on a small scale but to hide under the cloak of the internet and put it out there for the world to see is pure cowardice. I know everyone wants to be liked but let them do it for the right reasons. People should put themselves in someone else’s shoes before they open their mouths to be mean, critical or verbally ugly.
As Ellen DeGenneres would say, “Hey everyone, let’s be kind to one another !!!” I think she would also say Good for you, Jen !!
~ Michael Guba
I saw this through my photographer… This is a wonderful ” what would you do” moment!! When you know something is not right what do you do with that information? Do you take the additional income or do you do what’s right? Social morality is in the toilet these days, and everyone needs to learn from this lesson. Ask yourself what would you do if you know something is wrong? Congratulations to you Jen!
That is awesome! Good for you!!!!
Jen, in a world filled largely with people who ARE ugly on the inside, I am thrilled that your sense of integrity, morality and very simply being appalled by what is blatantly WRONG is what mattered most to you. What is so perfect about this situation is that you’re a photographer! Your job deals directly with the aspect of life that has largely to do with what people look like on the outside.
This world, in general, has become camera-happy, and I’m talking about the people wanting their pictures taken because it’s all about “getting attention” and becoming a “celebrity.” To me, one (of MANY) who epitomizes this is Kim Kardashian. She is ALL about the camera and getting attention. I don’t care how attractive she is on the outside–to me, she is incredibly ugly and disgusting.
Yay for you, and thank you for doing something that is all too rare. You did it because you can’t help but be the person you are: one with high values. You did it for that reason and the message you sent has grown exponentially. How gratifying and satisfying it is to me (and many others) that a message actually WORTH repeating and getting attention—IS!
Awesome job, Jen! I applaud anyone who can put their own integrity first in their business, rather than pushing it under the rug for “the green”.
Good for you for not being just another greedy phony bull#&@%er!
Fantastic!!! You have single-handedly restored my faith in people, that you would take such a stand and put morality before profit. I applaud you!
Were I not in a completely different country, I’d even contact you for any photography needs, I’m that impressed 🙂
You go, Jen! Wonderful actions!
Well done.
I think what people tend to forget is that true beauty comes from the inside, not the outside. The outside stuff is really just pure luck. Either luck of the draw naturally, in that all the parts come together in a manner that fits with the current ideas of beauty, or artificially, with lots of cash used to put the parts together in a manner that fits with the current ideas of beauty. But true beauty will shine through, no matter what, if we’re willing to see it. You seem to be willing to look for it beyond the superficial, which is far too rare nowadays.
If the husband and I are ever in your neck of the woods, we’ll give you a call. Hopefully you’d consider us worth a bit of your time. 🙂 Until then, all the best.
Girl! You are my hero!!!
Well done and well said!
does that include people who are abusers, pornographers, and evil do-ers? What would happen if God gave you the ability to see and photograph beautiful souls? What a gift and what a curse! would you still be able to make money? You have officially entered crusade territory. Be prepared to be vilified and sanctified. Love your stand.
Jen- I’m an advanced amateur photographer, and saw the title of your blog on an AOL News link. The title of your blog made me curious, then I read your article and I agree with you completely. Way to go!!! I wish you were closer- I’d be honored if you could shoot my daughter’s senior portraits this year.
It’s great that you have the luxury to hand-pick your clients. Good for you, in this economy, that you can afford to turn away customers. But as noble as your stand may be, it just seems wrong to judge teenage girls based on some online comment they made. In a few years they will grow up, and know better. Calling someone “ugly on the inside” is judgemental and self-righteous. And makes me think of the phrase “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”. I would not give you my business, or want you to photograph any of my friends for the fear of being scrutinized, judged, and then publically criticized. You must be either very young, or very inexperienced.
I truly hope the girls in question consider the consequences of their behavior and make changes and also make it right with the people they have hurt.
Hello, Jen McKen, you are my hero.
As an elem art teacher, I applaud your courageous actions. In my field, we call people like you “super-bystanders,” and your super-power lies in your ability to zap evil powers from otherwise good kids.
Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that your gutsy move is going to heap good karma on your soul. Oh, I know, because if you lose any business I’ll personally put my darling son in the car & drive 600 miles to your studio for the honor of being photod by a hero.
Thank You!
Love,
Humanity everywhere 🙂
C/o Liz Bure
*standing*
*clapping*
*cheering*
You go, girl.
I was bullied relentlessly in junior high and high school. It’s been thirty years, and there are STILL members of my class that believe they’re entitled to bully others. I really appreciate your stance on this. When I see those who believe they’re entitled to make another person miserable, I’m always going to speak up. I’m glad you did, too.
I love you just for that. Now a fan of yours.
My daughter has been bullied. It was devastating to her. She went through so much as a result and it has left scars. Our whole family suffered. I am so happy to hear that someone like you would make such a stand.
Awesome! Sorry it happened but glad you made a stand. I have often wondered about that as I photograph someone.
I saw this on AOL news, and I have to say…Bravo. Yahoo news just posted an article about how cruel the internet, particularly facebook can be and how its changing children/teenagers perspectives about themselves. I think this awesome and thank you for standing up in what you believe no matter what.
https://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/10-things-you-dont-know-about-teens-and-social-networking-2527367/
Love this! It is so refreshing to see someone take this stand and be this brave when you are a small business owner. Ultimately this will make you more successful and I am completely stoked about that! Congratulations and job well done!
Jen,
I support your decision and absolutely agree with what you are doing 100%!
I am a little unclear how you originally came across the facebook page with the hurtful comments on it, though. I’m not big into facebook so I guess it’s my ignorance speaking, but how do you accidentally come across something like that? Had someone you know “liked” it on Facebook, or were you looking up pages using that high school’s tag or what?
@ Sylvia: How do you know these girls are going to “know better” in a few years? If no one stands up and tells them that what they’re doing is wrong, I doubt much is going to change. Some people grow out of the bullying phase, but sadly, quite a few adults never do. “Some online comment” might not mean much to you, but I’m sure it meant a whole lot to the individuals being bullied.
Cyber-bullying is becoming a serious issue, and in case you didn’t get the memo, teens have been killing themselves over this type of thing. People who choose to cyber-bully do need to be called out in a public way if this is going to stop. It’s not self-righteous to stand up and say “This is wrong” when something is so clearly WRONG.
And I’m sure Jen is going to be much too busy photographing a new clientele of people who prefer a professional with some real ethics to worry about the few small-minded people who might stop coming to her now. Bravo, Jen McKen!
Jen,
I just wanted to say that I truly believe that what you’ve done is the right thing. I’m sure you’re already aware, but another local photographer has a very strong opinion about this as well. However; his opinion about the situation is very negative, and he has posted his feelings on his facebook page. Some of the other things he’s posted recently has lead me to decide to “unlike” his fb page. He is saying that YOU are the bully for this post on your blog, for accepting the interview with wtae, being on the news, and for the article that was in the gazette this week.
Obviously, he’s a part of the minority who feel that what you’ve done was negative. Please know that in the impact you’ve made in our community has been a positive one, and that others will follow your lead to put a stop to bullying!
@Sylvia:
If it’s “young and inexperienced” to turn away business based on a conviction that we should be respectful and protect the hearts and minds of others as much as we can? Then I hope this young woman stays that way the rest of her life. You seem quite cynical and jaded to make such a comment, I’m certainly glad to see that there are people who actually act with conviction ilk Jen instead of just harping at her from the sidelines. I think you’re the one who has some growing up to do.
So many people have already chimed in, but I had to let you know how much your story touched my heart. Sometimes I wonder why human beings are so cruel to each other when we are all on this journey through life together. I was bullied in school, and as a young woman, the impact on my self-esteem is still readily apparent. However, I hold my head up high today knowing that there are people out there who are willing to put themselves on the line to stand up for others being trampled upon. I am so incredibly glad that you have garnered such publicity for what you decided to do, and I hope you find your business flourishing. If only more people were willing to stand up for what is right so that others might not have to suffer. You are a beautiful person inside and out- your actions have shown what kind of soul you have, and it is truly outstanding. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Jen McKen, rock on. I hope this makes you a millionaire – you’re already a wonderful human being!
When I need a photographer, you’ll be it.
Well, I hope this doesn’t count as backlash because I don’t really think you were wrong in what you did. I just think that there are very few girls that get through their teenage years without doing a few mean, stupid things. I’m glad no one wrote me off as ugly (on the inside) and felt I couldn’t change by the time I was 17 or 18. Now that I’m a mom of 2 girls, I try to teach them right from wrong, but I know they are going to make a few mistakes. I hope they aren’t written off when they do, but instead get appropriate consequences and learn from their mistakes so they don’t grow up to be “ugly” women.
When someone linked me to this article, I fully expected to leave this page seething… but I’m absolutely not. This is a wonderful thing you’re doing, and you’ve made my day. I agree, people who are ugly on the inside are terrible.
<3 good on you!
You are beautiful for what you have done. Both inside and out.
Props for standing up for what you believe in. We need more people like you in the world!
Why didn’t you just meet with the girls and their families? Seems a bit heavy on traffic.
I feel the same way. As a dressmaker I have been asked to make a fabulous prom dress a
and the client does not understand that the dress does not make you. You make the dress. A nasty attitude shows through. Don’t expect me to make you look like something you aren’t.
Sorry. It doesn’t work like. Roxanna
As someone who spent much of her childhood being bullied for being fat, I love this. These girls who were harassing another person now have very real consequences to face. Will it make a difference; will they learn? Who knows, but it sounds like at least two of them are in for some Serious Trouble, so I hope it makes an impact. I don’t know if the victim of these girls’ actions will ever know what you did, but I hope she does. I know when I was a kid, having someone else — especially someone who didn’t have to — stand up for me meant a lot because it was so rare.
I applaud you for how you handled this situation! A little more unsolicited feedback for you: I wish you would change your post title and language revolving around this issue. It seems a bit harsh and maybe even bullyish to call these young women ugly people because of their hateful posts. I would hate to be labelled as an ugly person because of bad decisions made as a teenager, especially when national press is involved. I don’t agree that ugly behaviors automatically equal an ugly person and I think almost everyone deserves a second chance. Thank you for your actions and conviction and all the best to you.
This is just great. I was relentlessly bullied in middle and high school and no adults who had the opportunity to step in ever did, even those whose responsibility it was. It isn’t often that you see someone actually put their source of income on the line for something they believe in like this. Even if it doesn’t change the behaviors and attitudes of the girls involved, it sends a strong message that they way you act matters, and as a *former* victim it feels great to see some “mean girls” get what they deserve!
You are simply amazing for making this decision. What goes around, comes back around and it hit these girls hard. As we know, senior picture day is pretty popular amongst high schools in the country, so to be turned down by you was a great move. They will always remain ugly in the inside and nobody wants to see the fake smiles of the heartless. Plus your photography is lovely, they do not deserve to be photographed by you. Kudos! <3
It is wonderful to see a “regular” person do “the right thing”. Thank you for making a the world a little better.
Good on you for making a stand. Great to see all the support you’ve had. Stand proud.
You know the old saying, “evil triumphs when good men do nothing”, and the Internet is full of good people doing nothing, because “it´s just the internet”, “hehe serious business”, etc.
Congratulations, you did the right thing. A bully only exists because people don´t care as long they´re not the ones being bullied.
Grateful for your stance. p.s. I graduated from IUP.
Imagine if we all did this – made it socially unacceptable to be a shallow, mean piece of crap person. Imagine if those types of people faced social consequences for their behavior, rather than being put on the fast track to be someone’s boss someday.
Hooray for you. And hooray for the parents who, instead of the knee-jerk “My Bratleigh is perfect!” reaction, are actually going to INTERACT with their child and use this as a teachable moment.
You’re my hero. Nice job sister. I always say to my children, “treat everyone with kindness and respect because you want to go back to your high school reunions with your head held high.”
Bravo to you! I support your decision and hope others follow your example. Mean IS ugly, and those who engage in bullying should be discouraged, punished, and shunned.
Good for you!!! Hooray!! It is wonderful to know their are still people in this world who will do the right thing. BRAVO!
I just read an article about a woman posting on Facebook that she took pills to kill herself – and not one of her “friends” checked to see if she was okay. She died. I thought how horrible people had become. Thank you for proving that some decency still exists.
GOOD FOR YOU! I think this was an important lesson for those people on two fronts. One is that there are consequences to their actions. Second is that they need to be more conscientious of what they post online because it could greatly affect them later. Good job!