I’m about to get all sentimental on your asses! Driving down the road today, it hit me that it has been 6 years since my life has changed. Six years that I took one of the scariest and most thrilling leaps of faith and while jamming out with the windows down on a rather humid day-I got the chills. I have been a professional photographer for almost 12 years….but I have been a FULL TIME + SELF EMPLOYED professional photographer for 6 years. *gulp*
If you would have told me I’d be where I am 6 years ago, I would have laughed at you-mostly because I wouldn’t have thought it was even possible. Being the gal that grew up in the trailer park, on food stamps with young parents and second hand everything…I didn’t know I was allowed to dream that big. Dreams “that big” were for the smart, wealthy people who had parents with white collar jobs….I had no “business” starting a business! Owning a business always sounds like a dream and it’s been one of mine for the longest time that I thought I’d only read about in the articles of tierbella.com – who knew that I would turn my aspirations into something concrete? It can be difficult to find the confidence to start a business, this is normally because of the fear of failure. However, there are so many ways to succeed these days, so it’s important that more people try and follow their dreams. Business owners can always benefit from finding digital marketing consultants to help them grow their businesses. There are a lot of ways to grow businesses, so people shouldn’t be afraid of failure. There are plenty of ways to improve the technology that your business uses in order to keep up with its growth, including renewing the outdated telephone by making use of VOIP phone systems. Naturally, “what is sip trunking?” and other burning technological questions will be bouncing around your mind as you begin to see your business taking off.
It took me a long time to feel like I deserved it or that I belonged. As a matter of fact, when I first starting shooting weddings and got to visit the “magazine worthy” venues, I felt SOOO out of place. I felt like I didn’t belong there……and quite honestly, it intimidated me. I went to weddings in my Payless shoes while the bride wore her thousand dollar heels. I thought someone would “find me out” and realize I didn’t belong to “the club” so to speak. It took me a long time to feel like I belonged…or that I deserved it. It’s something that those of us who have grown up in poverty would understand. I’m not sure you could if you came from “the other side of the pond”.
Around this time in 2011, I quit my “day” job. Up until then, I was a “weekend warrior” as they call it in the photography world. I would get up and do the 8am-4pm thing and then go home and hustle with my photography business in the evenings and the weekends. When I say hustle…I mean H.U.S.T.L.E. There would be days that Greg would have to text me in the studio while he was in the house and remind me that it was time to come to dinner…..or that it was time to go to bed. I wanted it so bad. I will never forget the snide remarks or smirks I would get from people who were “friends” or “relatives” when I would mention that I wanted to be a photographer full time. I think some of them laughed behind my back….actually, I KNOW some of them laughed behind my back.
It would have been irresponsible for me to have quite the day job any sooner. I planned it out so strategically. I made sure I had enough money saved that if I fell flat on my face, we’d still be able to recover. I actually used a website like kingofkash.com to get a personal loan and that really helped me. Knowing I had that financial protection gave me so much confidence! I had enough weddings lined up for the following year and I had built up a clientele. But damn was I scared. With a lot of elbow grease, late nights, determination, setbacks and visualizations…..I made that shit happen! I will NEVER EVER EVER forget the feeling of walking in and handing them my two week notice. It wasn’t because I hated my job-I actually loved what I did and who I worked with, but I had always envisioned working for my self. Think about this: you can go to work everyday and work hard for someone else and all those late nights, long hours and werk werk werk you put into your job is benefiting someone else. No matter how hard you worked, no matter how great your ideas were no matter how many deals you closed-it was benefiting someone else. I wanted to know that if I put in late nights, long hours and werk werk werk, it was benefiting me. You know besides the fact that I had a daughter at home that needed more of my attention.
I grew up in the culture and socioeconomic society that trained me to get good grades in high school so that you can get into a good college, get a good degree and then go to work for someone else so that you can “get a good retirement”. That’s what you were “supposed” to do…it was the only way out. Go to college and get a good job working for someone else. No where in that equation was there mention of working for yourself as an option so I was scared shit-less even dreaming that it could be a reality. Here I am 6 years of full time photography and holy shit……I can’t believe it. I won’t lie, being self employed can sometimes be scary. It’s an emotional roller coaster. One minute you’re on a high because you just accomplished something amazing and then the next there is an incredible low when you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else. I don’t have coworkers to share duties with, if things fail-it’s on me, but when I soar…it’s all me! But throughout all the highs and all the lows….I’ve gotten to stay true to myself and there is no better feeling than that!
The truth is, my last job was in human services and let me tell you-I didn’t belong there. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the idea that we were helping people live better lives, but I truly don’t believe my personality belonged. I remember staff meetings were we would be discussing serious issues and I couldn’t help but make a joke. Or when we were working on projects, my ideas were so out there in left field that the people sitting around the table were looking at me like I had 5 heads. I probably got myself in trouble more times than I can count because I wasn’t “appropriate” during times when things were supposed to be “serious”. I knew it….and the looks I would get would confirm it. I marched to the beat of a different drum in the human service field. haha! I needed to be doing something more creative, some where that my odd humor wouldn’t be getting in the way and some where I could get to be around people.
I’m so thankful people gave me a chance…and then another chance and another. I’m so thankful that my clients “get me”. I am so thankful that people gave me a front row seat into their most vulnerable moments. I’m so thankful to have created friendships and a bond with some pretty amazing people because of photography. I’m thankful that I was able to take the death of my sister which unarguably was one of the most horrific moments of my life and turn it into something beautiful. I’m so thankful I never listened to the voice that said I didn’t deserve it….This is what I was meant to do……I belong here.
