I wrote a blog a month or two ago that talked about all the things I learned about being a “self employed” business owner. I was only roughly a few weeks into it when I posted the blog but I wrote about the Random Realities of Being Self Employed. It was more tongue in cheek really, I mean I talked about such things like how your boss is awesome (which is true..haha), about how you can sleep in, how you talk to yourself and answer your self because you have no co-workers to chat with. For those of you who don’t know, I recently quit my full time day job to pursue my dream of being a full time photographer. As exciting as it sounds that I’m following my dream and ultimately getting paid to do what I love, it also comes with a lot of accountability and responsibilities.I mean, I *AM* my own boss and if my business fails it’s *MY* fault, I can’t share the blame with a co-worker or a supervisor….it’s my fault.
With that said, I recently made a decision that I know could ultimately create backlash for what I’ve decided….and honestly, I don’t care! The really cool thing-(even among all the scary things of owning a business) is that you can make decisions without having to go through the hierarchy of people. On a whim yesterday after seeing something that was so appalling, I decided I was going to email some of my clients to tell them “I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos”.
Let me explain. Last night I posted on Facebook the following: “If I’m wrong, please speak up. I came across a page on Facebook that was created (by someone under a fictitious name) thats purpose is to bully, ridicule and say mean and hurtful things about their class mates. While visiting the page, I found several teenage girls that have scheduled sessions with me for their senior pictures. I am emailing them tomorrow to cancel their shoots. I do not want them to represent my business and I am beside myself at how MEAN and CRUEL they were on that page.” As I was drafting the email that I was going to send out to the clients my phone was blowing up with comments.
Now I realize it’s going to be hard to know that every person that ever contacts me isn’t a bully, I understand that…but in this specific instance it was right in front of my face. I saw it with my own eyes..it wasn’t hear say, it was right there..with their smiling face right beside such an ugly statement. I couldn’t forget about it, I mean how I could spend 2 hours with someone during our session trying to take beautiful photos of them knowing they could do such UGLY things. Realistically, I know by canceling their shoots it’s not going to make them “nicer people” but I refuse to let people like that represent my business.
This morning I sent out 4 emails to those clients while CC’ing in their parents explaining WHY I was canceling their shoots. I also included screen shots of the comments they made. They couldn’t deny it, I had the picture of what they said. I informed them that I’d be sending their deposits back and that they’d have to find another photographer. So far, I have received two emails back from their parents that claimed (I’m paraphrasing) they were shocked that this had happened. They apologized that their child acted in such a way and that they would deal with the matter. So far I haven’t received any backlash but I’m ready for it. I’m a small business owner and I have the luxury of making that decision. If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!
I’m not going to give a big speech that says how wrong or uncool it is…because let’s face it, you are seniors you should know better. I’m not trying to save the world of bullies or trying to start a movement. I simply don’t want to photograph ugly people!
To all of you who commented or “liked” the status… It’s heart warming to know that you support my decision.
Thank YOU!
*** updated 8/25/11: For those of you reading this for the first time, here is a follow up blog post that may answer any questions you may have: https://jenmckenphoto.com/blog/2011/08/25/just-to-clarify-not-shooting-ugly-people-indiana-county-pa-photographer-personal/
*** updated 8/16/12: One year later, what I learned about going viral: https://jenmckenphoto.com/2012/08/what-i-learned-about-going-viral-jen-mcken-photographer/
I am also a small photography business owner and some of the local girls that had bullied my very own child called and requested an appointment with me. I was very happy to turn them down for this very same “ugly on the inside” reason without considering any of the backlash. Fortunatley I didn’t receive any loss of business or backlash, I think people will applaud you when standing up to a bully! I love that you are sharing this with all of us!
This is the most refreshing thing I have read in a long time. You have inspired me beyond belief!!! Not only did you do what is right for you and your business (by standing by your convictions), you have sent these kids a crucial message early on in their young lives: we are all accountable for our actions and the choices we make can have far-reaching consequences. I hope that they use this lesson to course-correct and that the particular consequence of your choice to bring this to light is a wildly successful career…you absolutely deserve it! People like you make this an industry I am proud to be a part of!!!
I think this was so brave and WISE of you.
I love that you contacted their parents and let them know. I hope they DO do something about that.
It breaks my heart that kids would do something like that.
I’m ready to schedule a session with you! I love this.
Good for you!! I’m glad it opened up the parents’ eyes and maybe it will make the girls realize that ugly doesn’t go (or shouldn’t) far in the real world.
I think this is amazing and courageous.
Kudos to you! I shared this post on my facebook, and I plan on adding you to my blogroll…anyone so refreshing in their outlook has to be someone worth reading.
I have to admit, I was a little scared when I first saw the headline and clicked the link to read from Pure Photoshop Actions on my fb news feed – having been called ‘physically ugly’ by some in my life, I have a fear and paranoia of everyone being shallow – but I was so glad to find that my fear was unfounded. Thank you for your post!
You did the right thing. So many parents out there have NO idea what their children are doing on facebook. I am surprised the school hasn’t caught wind of it yet. Good for you!
Ab.so.lute.ly. awesome! If there were more people in the world who would stand up for what is right like this, the world would be a better place.
You are awesome!! Thank you for standing up for what you believe in!
Seriously awesome, you never know this actually might make someone change.
Sadly your actions will probaBly be the ONLY consequence these girls receive. Great job taking a stand-someone should!
“If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!” Wonderful statement! Kudos for standing up for your beliefs!
NO! GO YOU! That is awesome. I’m really proud of you!
Bravo Jen! You totally did the right thing in this situation. Can you reach out to the classmates that were being talked about and offer a discounted photo session?
You rock! Kudos to you for standing up for what is right and for YOUR right to do what you want as a small business owner. Those girls should be incredibly embarrassed, and hopefully, next time they’ll think before belittling someone else.
Yay, yay, yay! Thank you for following your “heart” and not your “wallet”!!
thank you from all of us lower people who always get bullied! I appreciate it!
I admire you for taking a stand on bullying. Kudos and much success to you!
As a person who’s recently had to deal with a small group of teen girls (why are they so mean?), I say bravo. It’s easy to take a check and just go on with your day, it’s tough to stand up and say “this isn’t right”.
^^^^^
“How will I know when it’s the right time for a slow clap?”
“Oh, you’ll know…”
🙂
I think what you did is absolutely fantastic, Jen. I do hope their parents find out why they were cancelled so they can set them straight.
You did the right thing for standing up!!
You go girl.. I am so happy you did it ..
Edeline
Thank you so much for standing up for what you believe in! This is such an incredibly timely post for me.
Good for you! I think you did an amazing thing! :):):):)
Wow! Go you!
Jen,
As a photographer and parent, I applaud (rapidly, following by whistling, arm pumping and woowooing…) your actions. I have become disgusted with the lack of ownership and responsibility that so many in our society demonstrate on a daily basis…The fact that the parents were “shocked” at the behavior of their children points the finger of blame to the appropriate model of behavior that allows it…Hurray for you! Now if we could just get the parents, the schools, and then the errant children to own up, change and reapply for admission to society…
Good for you!!!!
Thank you!! You have done a very brave thing. In my eyes you are a hero because years ago I was the kid who was picked on and bullied. I only wish someone would have stood up to those who were so evil & mean. I survived but not without some mental bumps & bruises that took a very long time to heal. Again Thank You!!
I’d never heard of you until 5 minutes ago, but I am now one of your biggest fans. Yes, one person can make a difference; and I’ll bet that you’ve just influenced a bunch of photographers to make the same sort of decision! Thank you!
I commend you and think that this action is completely awesome! There needs to be more consequences for the ‘media’ bullying that goes on these days to wake kids (and people in general)up that their words are not poofs of air in cyber space that don’t effect anything. I hope these girls learn something from this and other professionals can be encouraged to follow suit!
The world needs more people willing to take a personal stance such as this. =) You’re a hero to all of those who were affected by the ugliness that led to your actions.
It’s so refreshing to see someone stand up for what is right! Good for you! 🙂
Way to make a stand. Very cool. I hope these kids get it!!!!!!
Thank you for this. So many of us have suffered from the hurtfulness of others, and while we might also want to be hurtful, it is NEVER right. Being a high school teacher, I see both the good and bad that happens with teenagers, and their choices aren’t always stellar! I’m glad that you also sent the emails to their parents. So often the parents have no idea what their child’s “online life” is like.
You just became my personal hero. This is awesome.
WONDERFUL.
Good for you for standing up for your principles – I think if more people acted on them as you are choosing to do, we’d have a better society overall!
Good for you and so well written. If you do get backlash, it will only be from those you wouldn’t have wanted to work with anyway. The rest of us completely agree and applaud your decision. There really is just too much inner ugliness out there…
So awesome!!! As a formerly bullied kid, I completely applaude your decision and wish you the MOST luck in your business!! Good for you!!!
I just saw this re-posted on facebook by a fellow photographer, clicked and read… You are AMAZING. What a brave and convicting stand to take. I applaud you!
Jen, you did the right and moral thing. I have told clients that I will not photograph them because they do not make their children behave in my studio, as well as women who like to use gossip as a form of entertainment. I hate drama, but as a military wife overseas, I have to do what is right for me! The greatest part is keeping my business fun! Congrats on standing your ground, lets just hope that their parents will take this as a wake up to parent their children a little closer!
That is amazing that you are taking a stand when money is at stake so thank you very much for being a strong small-buisness owner. You rock! I hope and pray that some major lessons were learned by those bullies
Oh, I thought this was about physical ugliness. Which would make a lot of sense, imho. Physically ugly people shouldn’t be preserved for posterity. I mean, who’d want to visit the Sistine Chapel if the paintings featured people with hunchbacks, pot bellies and cankles?
I think what you are doing is wonderful. It teaches them that there are consequences for their actions and hopefully alerts them that in this day and age where teens feel the need to post EVERYTHING about their lives for the world to see, that the entire world, in fact can see their ugly behavior. This could potentially affect their entrance into college and/or their prospects with a future employer. Bravo.
Wow, no tolerance for bullies. Good for you, I admire you!! My favorite line of your post-“If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!”— best quote ever, love it!
I agree! I put in my senior rep requirements that I will be their facebook friend and I will be watching their comments and photos they put up. Anyone not representing my business in a wholesome way will be asked to leave. These kids need to realize their words and actions affect many!
As a brand new full time small business owner I think you just made the BEST step for yourself. Yes, it’s risky. But you’ve just made yourself unique. Those who align with you will do so strongly, and those who don’t, well, those aren’t the ones you want anyway. Well done for being brave and standing up for what you feel.
yes- awesome! way to make a stand! you rock!
As someone who was constantly told that they were ugly (a male – it’s not only teen girls doing this – told me that no self-respecting man would ever kiss or date me), I applaud your bravado. I just don’t understand the logic behind making someone feel so worthless.
Good for you! I applaud you!
What an incredible person you are to stand up for what’s right, even at the cost of your business. way to go!