I wrote a blog a month or two ago that talked about all the things I learned about being a “self employed” business owner. I was only roughly a few weeks into it when I posted the blog but I wrote about the Random Realities of Being Self Employed. It was more tongue in cheek really, I mean I talked about such things like how your boss is awesome (which is true..haha), about how you can sleep in, how you talk to yourself and answer your self because you have no co-workers to chat with. For those of you who don’t know, I recently quit my full time day job to pursue my dream of being a full time photographer. As exciting as it sounds that I’m following my dream and ultimately getting paid to do what I love, it also comes with a lot of accountability and responsibilities.I mean, I *AM* my own boss and if my business fails it’s *MY* fault, I can’t share the blame with a co-worker or a supervisor….it’s my fault.
With that said, I recently made a decision that I know could ultimately create backlash for what I’ve decided….and honestly, I don’t care! The really cool thing-(even among all the scary things of owning a business) is that you can make decisions without having to go through the hierarchy of people. On a whim yesterday after seeing something that was so appalling, I decided I was going to email some of my clients to tell them “I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos”.
Let me explain. Last night I posted on Facebook the following: “If I’m wrong, please speak up. I came across a page on Facebook that was created (by someone under a fictitious name) thats purpose is to bully, ridicule and say mean and hurtful things about their class mates. While visiting the page, I found several teenage girls that have scheduled sessions with me for their senior pictures. I am emailing them tomorrow to cancel their shoots. I do not want them to represent my business and I am beside myself at how MEAN and CRUEL they were on that page.” As I was drafting the email that I was going to send out to the clients my phone was blowing up with comments.
Now I realize it’s going to be hard to know that every person that ever contacts me isn’t a bully, I understand that…but in this specific instance it was right in front of my face. I saw it with my own eyes..it wasn’t hear say, it was right there..with their smiling face right beside such an ugly statement. I couldn’t forget about it, I mean how I could spend 2 hours with someone during our session trying to take beautiful photos of them knowing they could do such UGLY things. Realistically, I know by canceling their shoots it’s not going to make them “nicer people” but I refuse to let people like that represent my business.
This morning I sent out 4 emails to those clients while CC’ing in their parents explaining WHY I was canceling their shoots. I also included screen shots of the comments they made. They couldn’t deny it, I had the picture of what they said. I informed them that I’d be sending their deposits back and that they’d have to find another photographer. So far, I have received two emails back from their parents that claimed (I’m paraphrasing) they were shocked that this had happened. They apologized that their child acted in such a way and that they would deal with the matter. So far I haven’t received any backlash but I’m ready for it. I’m a small business owner and I have the luxury of making that decision. If you are ugly on the inside, I’m sorry but I won’t take your photos to make you look pretty on the outside!
I’m not going to give a big speech that says how wrong or uncool it is…because let’s face it, you are seniors you should know better. I’m not trying to save the world of bullies or trying to start a movement. I simply don’t want to photograph ugly people!
To all of you who commented or “liked” the status… It’s heart warming to know that you support my decision.
Thank YOU!
*** updated 8/25/11: For those of you reading this for the first time, here is a follow up blog post that may answer any questions you may have: https://jenmckenphoto.com/blog/2011/08/25/just-to-clarify-not-shooting-ugly-people-indiana-county-pa-photographer-personal/
*** updated 8/16/12: One year later, what I learned about going viral: https://jenmckenphoto.com/2012/08/what-i-learned-about-going-viral-jen-mcken-photographer/
Good for you! Good for taking a stand and double good for informing the parents!! Bad behavior should have negative consequences. I’m (sadly) rather surprised that the parents apologized instead of demanding that you keep the appointment. So many would take a “So what?!” attitude and insist that it had nothing to do with photos, which is why we have kids that act like that in the 1st place!
Kudos on your bravery!
While I do commend you for taking a stand against bullies, arent you slightly worried that by labeling these girls as “ugly” you are also being a bit of a bully? I guess I just dont understand why you felt the need to give a back story to your decision.
Absolutely marvelous!! More business owners need be as selective and vocal as you. I’m a fan.
This is awesome. Great blog post! People need to be held accountable for their actions. Words can hurt and I’m glad you took a stand.
Good for you! I am so impressed that you did this. So powerful!
Way to go! Very Classy. May you be blessed for standing up for the greater good!
Good for you! Keep it up! Just saw your story on Thursday’s 11:00pm news. I’m a fellow small business owner in the Pittsburgh area, and I’d do the same thing.
Wonderful decision and thank you for sharing your convictions.
I wish there were more people like you in this cruel world! Good luck in all you do.
BEAUTIFUL! You did the right thing. “I won’t take your photo if you’re ugly…” SO TRUE.
Wow, that’s so great! If only more people took a stand against bullies. It’s such a shame that people are so cruel, and I understand how difficult it would be to smile back and take photos of someone knowing they could be so mean inside. Hopefully they’ll realize their wrongs and make them right!
I agree with Laura Ashley – small things can make a big difference. You could have quite possibly made those students reevaluate where they’re putting their time and energy. XOXO!
As a photographer, I applaud you! As a contributing editor with a large photography magazine, I also wanted to let you know that I’ve passed your story along to my editors. Good for you!
I was bullied in high school, and I am getting down on my knees and thanking God that there are people like you in the world. Thank you a million times!
This gave me a lump in my throat. There is ‘good’ in this world and you are a wonderful example of that. God Bless you! I could hug you right now 🙂
This is awesome to see/read. There is so much bullying going on, it’s refreshing to see someone take a stand. Thank you 🙂
Jen I don’t even know you nor do I live in your part of the world anymore…but having read your blog on fb I just had to say how proud I am of the 10-15yrs that I spent in & around State College & almost every weekend in Inidiana, just coz of the few BUT “quality” people like yourself, whom I know in these areas.Yours is such a clear, matter-of-fact example of “taking” the courage that’s available from the Source Himself/our Maker & Lord, to “resist” the evil/bizarre/wickedness that’s trying to take over as the new normalcy/in-thing. Thanks for moving on to the next level of “resistance”.
You are one classy chick. I would have done the EXACT same thing. It shocks me to hear of kids so brutalized by cyber-bullying they feel their choice is to end their life…and they do just that. Even with all the stories out there…these kids still CHOOSE to torture their classmates. They have NO idea of the guilt and shame they will feel once they have grown, had children of their own and gained a bit of wisdom. Then again, maybe not. I noticed you said only TWO of the parents responded…perhaps the other two could care less. So sad.
you have no idea who I am but I am really proud of you! It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe and I think the message you are sending is loud and clear. As the mother of a bullied child and as a photographer I applaud your decision. Wishing you all the best!
There’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said, but I felt I had to add my applause in with the rest 🙂
I totally agree with what you did and how you handled the situation! I admire the fact that you stood up for what is right/ wrong and i think everyone would agree!:-)
Wow. That’s all I can say. Wow. And Kudos to you.
I say SHAME on you. The poor girl getting bullied will have it even worst now. You have no talk of love or family. These girls need guidance, they need a roll model – and you should have shown them how to be compassionate and love others – instead, you threw them out with the trash. SHAME ON YOU!
You should feel empowered for taking a stand behind what is right and not compromising yourself, your beliefs or your business. You did the right thing and I am so proud of you.
Jeremy, I’d have to disagree. I see where you are coming from, but I think what Jen did was definitely the right thing to do. First and foremost, she didn’t want these people representing her business. That is perfectly fair and completely her right.
Also, yes, these girls may need guidance. Now that Jen has brought the problem to the parents, they can give their daughters the guidance they need. That is their place, not Jen’s.
Of course it’s possible that whoever is getting bullied will have it worse now, but I think it’s unlikely. This will hopefully teach the bullies a lesson. I think it would be hard for you to understand because you are not a girl, but girls are mean! So many times the really cruel girls get away with anything – oftentimes because of their looks. Jen is taking a stand and saying that it’s the beauty on the inside that she cares about. The bullies need to understand that their actions have consequences, and Jen has hopefully taught them a fabulous lesson. They’ve just missed out on something big.
I APPLAUD and ADMIRE you! That’s amazing and a half!!
To Jeremy – So what you’re saying is that NO ONE should ever stand up to bullies because the people they bully might “have it even worse” as a result?? I believe that after being shown that bullying has consequences, the girls will be less likely to bully. Jen absolutely did the right thing. She let the parents of the girls know what was going on so that the parents can give the girls “guidance” and “a role model.” Jen’s job is to capture beauty through photography, and she’s choosing not to do it for people who are ugly inside. She made an excellent decision, and one that I hope others will copy. If bullies realize that negative actions have negative consequences, maybe they’ll think twice before bullying again.
Like Jerry Maguire’s mission statement, “The Things We Think and Do Not Say: The Future of Our Business”.
I love it and congratulate you.
It has to stop somewhere and I admire you for not sitting by and letting it go. You are an inspiration. I’m glad you notified the parents and let them see what their kids have really been doing. Thank you for showing people that you can take a stand against the bullies.
Thank you and bless you. I hope the bullies and their parents are ashamed of their actions.
Good for you! I think a lot of times young people post things on message boards or facebook without thinking that real people are reading them–it’s shortsighted immaturity. At least now those girls know that people DO read what they write and form opinions about them, not just about the people they’re trashing.
I applaud you for taking a stand!! You not only did the right thing but you have inspired me and many others to do the same!! Stand strong!! 🙂
GOOD for YOU!!! We need more people to do what you have done!
Jen. I’m speechless after reading your story. In awe. I think you did a fantastic thing, and I can only hope that I would have the courage to make the same decision if I were ever in your shoes. Like many of the other commenters, I was bullied in school. Those mean kids seemed to never get told “no” or to pay any consequences for their actions. Well, some of them are paying now as they are still the same miserable people that they were back then. And it’s sad. Someone full of courage and integrity should have stood up to them back then. I applaud you. Way to go. Now, find a way to also show one of the bullies some grace. “Grace is what God gives us when we don’t deserve and mercy is when God doesn’t give us what we do deserve.” No one ever forgets a time that they have received grace. It sticks with us. You have a phenomenal opportunity here.
Good for you ! I am the father of three daughters and I would be mortified if they were doing anything like that. Jeremy is mistaken: it’s not your job to raise the children whose photos you take, but letting their parents know is a very good start !
Bravo!
Good for you Jen…and what a way to take a stand for those being bullied. @Jeremy – SHAME ON YOU, for SHAMING on JEN. If two of the parents commented back to her email, then it sounds like the girls already had role models who wouldn’t allow this type of behavior! They are old enough, to know better. Tough love and reality check sometimes are the only way to bring people down from their high & mighty chair. You can’t feed the one who bites you, if Jen would have continued with the sessions, it would prove nothing more than you can get what you want by acting ugly. By NOT doing the sessions – it proves that bad behavior is not rewarded!! Good for you Jen, hope this encourages others to stand up for the innocent & the weak! God bless you!
Jen, I just commented on your FB page, but BRAVO. Bullies get away with being cruel when no one stands up and says, “Enough. As a society we will not allow you to behave so terribly.” It takes guts, it takes risk, but you’ve showed just how much one voice can make a difference. We need more ‘Jens’ to do what you did — to say “I don’t want to photograph/be friends with/work with/hang out with/play sports with someone who’s ugly.”
We need more people like you in this world. Bullying must not be tolerated, and I’m glad you took a stand. My 16 year old daughter is gay and has had to deal with a lot of this type of behavior since she’s been out, and it really shows the UGLINESS inside of those who are doing the bullying. Your photographs are beautiful, and I wish we were in your area because we’d gladly hire you to do her Senior portraits! 🙂
AMAZING! I am inspired. Please contact me if you want a client from Michigan.
Personally – the only thing I would add to this – is I would contact the person being bullied and give that person one of those girls sessions! If for no other reason to prove all of the comments WRONG. 🙂 Go Jen!!! I can’t tell you how much I stand behind ALL that you have said!
This is probably the worst business decision I’ve ever seen.
Your forgetting that beauty is inferred, not implied….meaning, while you may think some of your clients are ugly, I guarantee you that their families, friends, spouses, parents and grandparents all feel they are beautiful.
I think the backlash you’ve created will far overwhelm any good you feel inside because of your rant.
Talk about being a great role model, you did the right thing. I hope you are blessed with so, so much success. I wish corporate America would take a cure from amazing small business owners like you.
As a person who was once bullied, and as a resident of State College, I appreciate what you did.
@Mark – She never said the thought they were ugly (image wise)…she said they “acted” ugly! and she clearly stated that even two of the four parents replied back in agreeance of an unacceptable “ugly” behavior! Pretty is as pretty does!
As a small business owner myself, I totally understand how this decision can effect your business. You are so RIGHT to do this though and I am proud of you for standing up for what you believe in, no matter how it affects your business. You RoCK.
Jen – Great job! Thank you for taking a stand against “Ugly” behavior. I have seen very little back lash to your comments. Those that say you are a bully for addressing “Ugly” behavior are wrong. I have a 1 year old child and I am responsible for addressing his fits when he has one and guiding him to be an upstanding member of society. There are consequences for the choices we make in life. Thank you for showing those girls grace by not using their names publically and for showing them their choices have negative consequences. May your business grow because of your integrity.
WOW! I love people like you who hold others accountable for thier poor charachter & actions! With all the teen suicides cyber bullying needs to be taken serious! Kudos to you, Jen!
Thank you Jen for taking a stand and doing it in such a professional manner! PS I was looking through some of your pics and they are absolutely awesome!!!!
Absolutely, Dead ON, Solid Perfect Call on this one and you are to be applauded for having the moral fortitude to do this.
Doing this was a tremendous risk, but you, as the owner, get to make the call and I also believe it was the right decision.
What you did and HOW you did it showed a level of CLASS and Responsibility that these young bullies NEED to learn at some point.
Very Brave to make this call and I hope it all works out for.
Am wondering, for the two sets of parents who apologized, are you going to go ahead with them, or is this decision final??
Best of Luck with your business, I think you will do quite well.
Whoever raised you is probably the PROUDEST person in the world, right now. Now you’ve passed some of that CLASS onto others.
BRAVO!!!
I so admire and support your decision, Jen. Only a photographer who is passionate about what she does would have acted like so – may your talent and courage always make you shine!