I apologize up front for being “all over the place” in this post. #1 I’m just a leeeeetle bit overwhelmed and #2 it’s how my brain works, I can’t help it and I hope that it makes sense. Everything makes sense in my head until I spit it out then I have that “foot in mouth” syndrome! None the less, just a few random thoughts about the recent “activity” and when I say RANDOM I mean RANDOM! 🙂 Please read my disclaimer that I have posted on my home page. It goes a little something like this:
My itty bitty disclaimer: I’m not a writer, I don’t claim to be, I don’t want to be. I have horrible spelling, awful grammar and down right nasty punctuation…but I do promise, I AM college ed-umacated! 🙂 Tee he he he. But on a serious note, this place is where none of that matters. This is my little piece of the inter-webber and I can say, spell and punctuate any way I want 🙂
I am completely overwhelmed, humbled and a bit taken back that so many of you took the time out of your day to repost, comment, email or just send some blog love my way. I honestly had no idea how powerful it would become but I have received emails from several of you, phone calls from local news stations, emails from reporters, requests to be featured on blogs. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t prepared for ALL of this, I was prepared for some harsh comments/criticism/feedback but not THIS kind of response. I have received emails from those of you from all over the world (literally) who mentioned how you were in your adult years and that the bullying still effects you. I’ve received emails from current high school students thanking me and calling me a their “hero”. I honestly don’t know how to process it all. I mean have you SEEN how many comments there were? Yesterday it was a full time job keeping up with everything. Some of your stories about bullying were just heartbreaking.
I’m not claiming to be an expert in bullying and as a matter of fact when asked by the few people that called, NO, I don’t have a first hand experience with bullying. Of course during my middle school/awkward years I’m sure there were some name calling but it was never really that bad that I didn’t want to go to school. And certainly not as bad as some of the individuals that emailed in. So I can’t stand up here and say I had been bullied, because I wasn’t. I liked to think I was friends with everyone. BUT I don’t think one has to have gone thru being bullied to stand up to it. I would like to hope that all of us could speak up if we ourselves witnessed it happening with our own eyes. And I guess that is where I find all the buzz hard to believe and process. All I did was say, no, I’m not going to take your picture because you were mean. Do I think that I’m the best photographer in the world…hahah..big fat N.O.! Do I know they could go out and easily find another photographer…Yes….but the point was, I didn’t want to spend time with them trying to make them look pretty when knew they were being ugly on the inside. Mean is ugly…and in my opinion they were making the CHOICE to be ugly.
Yesterday as everything was going viral, I was on a shoot with one of my clients. Then directly after, I went to one of my friend’s house to hang out with some good friends. I hadn’t seen the news clip yet and as I walked in someone said, “Here comes the saint!”. Keep in mind, they were saying it in a joking manner and I think he is a great guy, I didn’t take it the wrong way. He was just doing a friendly jab..it’s how my friends work and that’s why I love them! But it got me thinking, I hope all of you don’t think I’m a saint–for lack of a better word. I’m human, I’m certainly no Saint. I don’t claim to be perfect. For example, in admits the midst of yesterday’s chaos, I must admit, I am a bad mom…I forgot to feed my child. I came out to the studio early in the day when my phone was blowing up to see what everything was about and was caught up in keeping up with emails, phone calls, etc, that I forgot to feed my child! It wasn’t until she looks at me and goes, “Mom, when are you going to make breakfast?” It was 2:30pm! haha! Whoopsy, I’m glad to report, she still loves me and I fed her breakfast at promptly 7am this morning!! It just happens that in this particular instance, most of you think I did the “right” thing but trust me, there are probably a million things I’ve done wrong in my life time, I’m not perfect.
I wrote “Most” of you think I did the right thing.So you’ve seen all the awesome things people are saying but not everyone feels the same way, and I can respect that. I’m keeping an open mind and I’m going to assume that they had the best interest of those whom were being bullied. Some people feel very strongly that my opinions have no place in my business. I respect that, I really do, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.
If I’m going to keep it real, even with all the support that I’ve been receiving, I still have my insecurities too. Photographers and organizations, blogs and websites that I LOOK up to were sharing my link.I mean, photographers that I look up to and that are 1000x times better than I’ll EVER be were commenting and sharing my link. This lead to an influx of photographers to my “like” page (I’m going to call you “likers”) and so now, I’m thinking, Oh my gosh, with all these new likers I’m paranoid to post any of my future images because all of these critiques about my work will come pouring in. I mean here I am little bitty small town photographer having my website look my thousands of you and wandering if my work was “subpar” what would people think. We are human, I know I’m certainly not perfect and here I am worrying about what everyone will think and I’m not being bullied. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have that burden and knowing that people are ruthlessly saying mean and hurtful things.
I’m now under a microscope……..it’s here…and honestly, I don’t know what to do with it. I’m just going to resume as I always did and hope that someone else got the message…for those of you who don’t agree with me, I’m sorry you feel that way. I guess if you have your own business you can run it the way YOU see fit! If this hurts me..well fine, at least I know I failed at something I felt strongly about and I won’t be able to blame it on the economy. It will because of a decision I made…and I’m ok with that! At this point, I’m going to try to get things back to normal around here by editing yesterday’s session so I can share it on the blog just like I always do, going to an awesome ALUMNI football game (GO Bobcats) and by hanging out with one of my best friends over the weekend, she’s driving in from Michigan..yay!
Again guys…thank you!
PS: Mean is UGLY!
I read your post and it warmed my heart, I reinforce to my children almost daily about good behaviour and manners. Kudos to you for standing up to those mean girls and advising their parents!
Just wanted to say hey and you go girl! You have a good head on your shoulders have a very strong work ethic and stand up for what you believe in and think is right. I admire who you are and I am proud to call you my friend. None of us are perfect and many of us feel like (insert sarcasm) mother or person of the year.
I got to the part of your post that says “I mean, photographers that I look up to and that are 1000x times better than I’ll EVER be were commenting and sharing my link. ” and I had to stop and point out how incredibly STUNNING you ARE… not EVER going to be… ARE!!! What you do is associated with who you are… your photos talk while you are allowed to use no words. Your actions scream… and so does your photography! It says that your beauty has always been where you are having problems seeing it. I look up to you, what you wrote… and what you have done in your photography. I think you may want to understand that YOUR inner beauty is the exact same thing that you are looking up to in the other photographers you hold so high.
Jen,
Your photos are beautiful, don’t you doubt that! I don’t expect you to be superhuman or perfect. You are a gal with a big heart and, in an age of money over all, you made a courageous and right decision that for a small businesswoman must have been a very financially difficult choice to make.
A lot of people would have simply said to themselves, “Well the check cleared so I guess I’ll just go ahead and do the portraits.”
The seniors to whose parents you refunded the money are old enough to know better and have likely never been called to account for their (her) behaviors. It’s a good life lesson for the individuals in question AND you’ve given your child a very good role model for integrity and morals… even if you did forget to feed her for a while. 😉
Just continue to be yourself. That’s really all that matters in the whole scheme of things. Best of luck.
I think your photography is beautiful ^_^ I wish I’d’ve found you before March, I would have contacted you about doing my wedding portraits (cause then I would have gotten some – haha!).
Basically, just keep on keeping on…you do what you do best, and all that jazz. The way I figure it, you’re only under a microscope if you let yourself be. Just because everyone might be watching is no reason to change up how you’ve done things previously. Within a few months, hopefully, the only lingering effect will be that others might look up to an example that you set and allow their heart and mind to weigh more than their pocketbook.
Keep up the GREAT work!
Your opinion has every place in this business!! Not every photographer is for every client and vice versa! We as artists, business owners, and humans have the right to stay away from things that make us uncomfortable!! You are awesome in my book and I applaud you… Keep on blogging! And for sure keep on photographing everything beautiful!
People who are critical of your decision might be dealing with their own issues. I agree with Eileen, be yourself and everything will fall into place. As a counselor working with young women who have body image issues and histories of abuse from bullying, I am humbled and amazed by your actions. As a mother I am thankful for women like you who are making change for the better. Thanks
I posted comments on my wall but I want to share with you another story.. My son hated to go to school. He had friends that were black and was constantly called a “wigger” ..wanna be nigger.. I actually let him be home schooled because it was such a struggle to get him there plus he was leaving school. Who would think there would be such hate in our small town? The culprits were some football players and other “popular” kids.
To this day he doesn’t speak to those people.
Thanks for taking a stand. 🙂
I don’t know you personally but I am proud of you!
In planning my wedding I have found the best product is not always the best service. I know that I have selected to work with not the best because they are nicer, have a better connection with me, and get it. I think more people will choose to use your services even if you know there are people better than you out there. Major kudos to you.
Hi Jen,
You don’t know me but I am one of your new “likers” after I read your blog yesterday. I’m not a photographer, just a Mom. And yes, unfortunately I have had first hand experience with bullying. That’s why after reading your response to all the attention you have recieved, I felt compeled to send you a personal message. I totally understand that we all have our own opinions and that’s ok. I have to say though, that I am shocked and horrified that some people disagree with what you have done. I think it is absolutely awesome. You have touched my heart and made me realize that maybe there are more good and kind people in this world than I knew. That gives me a little sense of peace and hope that my children can have a better experience than I did. It also gives me some courage to make a stand myself.
You are a beautiful person and I can’t thank you enough for what you have done. Embrace the attention that is coming your way. You are making an impact on so many people. It is truly awesome.
Sincerely,
Gail Brazeau
P.S. Your photography is beautiful too!!
My dear, go on with your life as normal! Don’t feel you have to be start doing something you don’t want to do. Your ability to just be you is what is inspiring. You did something that suddenly went viral. Don’t let the viral scare you. Just continue and be glad that you had a moment to make a difference in thousands of lives. I checked out your photography and personality and your personality is infectious. It inspired me to be more real with who I am. 🙂 Thank you.
I completely support you.. I think what you did was wonderful. You made a stand! You are confident, talented, and strong-willed. I think we all have a long way to go until we think we’re the “bee’s knees”, but you know what? You never know it when you get there. So keep doing your thing, and know that you have a strong backing of a few *thousand* behind you! We’re not here to intimidate you or be critical.. we believe in you! 🙂
I agree with that first comment… don’t let the “going viral” scare you! You really did something good, and it was a breath of fresh air to a lot of us who are tired of seeing bad behavior spotlighted. I think it is awesome that you took a stand, not based on money, but based on your integrity. No one is perfect in life or business, but you did something very good and you need to let us be proud of you! <3
I'm sorry not everyone agrees, but you are 100% correct: When they have a business, they can run it how they like. I prefer to work with people who have integrity and courage, so I would choose you every time. And yes… your work is lovely too!!
Another new liker here – and no worries, I think most of us aren’t elevating you to sainthood (at least not just for that post) – it’s just refreshing to see someone do the right thing and I’m GLAD it got such great publicity! You know your 5 minutes of internet fame won’t last, but you have made a difference in the lives of students and other photographers who may now be more likely to take a stand. Best of luck to you, you do some great work and I know you’ll surely succeed even more than you have 😀
Hi Jen,
Because you went viral, it reached me in New Brunswick, Canada.
I’m very proud of what you stood up for. I am a mother of 3 daughers and each one of them have experienced bullying one way or another. I myself, was bullied when I was a teen as well.
It takes courage to stand up, and take action on what you believe in. I’m very proud of you. And I hope Anti-bullying will continue to spread through out the world.
All the best. Your pictures are beautiful 🙂
Sincerely, Mary Stevenson
I want to say Thank You formall of the girls and boys in this world that have been and are being bullied. What you did should be commended! Having had first hand experience of being bullied when I was a young teen I wish there was someone like you to stand up for me. Keep up the good work!
Good for you! I love to read when people take a stand! I wish more people would! Thank you for being a role model!
Hi, I just liked a posted a positive comment on FB earlier today because I am one of the apparent many who admire your stand. After reading this entry on your blog I had to send you this message because you have impressed me so much. Your humility is commendable but just think of what your action has spurred. You took a considerable risk, turned away revenue and made a statement that is not always the norm in this superficial society where mean is enouraged on reality shows and horribly prsent in politics. Very contraversial but guess what we discovered? The majority of people are kinder and less superficial than the media portays them. Our youth today needs positive heroes and my dear, you are a positive hero! Continue to take the high road no matter what a few detractors may say. I hope your life gets back to normal but I hope ours does not. I hope we all remember you when we have to make choices.
Thank you for standing up for what is right and taking a public stance against something so ugly and, unfortunately prevalent in our society. You set a wonderful example and I hope that others will follow your lead and take similar measures to show that mean and harassing words will not get you anywhere in this world. Thanks again.
Jen, I only know you through this blog and through your pictures. I have looked at your pictures, read your blog and you are a wonderful person, just be yourself and “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”. If you start paying attention to everyone else and changing yourself because of them you would no longer be you and if that happened the world would loose a wonderful person. Keep doing what your doing and be YOU!!!
saint? ugh – waaaay too much baggage comes with that. honourable & ethical – yep, that’s easier to live out. having been in customer service for most of my life, i know that i have the right to refuse to deal with a customer and for reasons better than i just don’t like a hot pink zebra print she might be wearing.
it’s your business and you manage it to the best way you see fit. you have to live with yourself and if you aren’t comfortable with these clients you have the right to remove yourself from that situation. lawyers do it all the time – the difference is that you told the world why 🙂
the world needs to change and people need to understand that cruel behaviour isn’t an acceptable practice. sometimes all it takes is one person to begin a grassroots movement to make others take notice and take a stand en masse.
good for you again – the people who understand respect you more for it. so, go have an awesome day, enjoy the football game and do more of what you love!
I too am a photographer and I applaud you for what you did and for what you stand for. In this economy with it so hard to even get a little extra work it is commendable that you would stick up for someone else. I was bullied from kindergarden through high school, I refuse to go to reunions because who wants to see the people that tried so hard to make life misreable and usually succeded. I hope the parents of the girls you sent letters to take care of the situation…….likely they will not….but I hope they do. I don’t know if it was you or somewhere else that I read that mean is ugly….I agree 100%. And if anyone who was targeted by these girls reads this just remember what goes around comes around…..you just have to be patient and wait for it to happen. and I promise you will see it happen!!!!
Jen: You are to be commended. If nothing else, you have touched the lives of many who have been bullied. Maybe a few of those people will start to stand up for others if they have not already. And hopefully what you did will cause a few of the bullies to think twice. Best of luck.
Love, love, love this!!!! Double high five to you Jen! There needs to be more people like you in this world – Thank you for sharing this <3
I am a high school teacher and photographer…I just wanted to say “thank you” for your help in the stand against bullying! Now, if everyone else would follow….NICE! Thanks again, you ROCK!!!
I saw your story on CNN and I just wanted to tell you that I among many others am very proud of what you chose to do. In the economic times we are in it is not exactly heard of for a company to do that. I personally think you did more than the right thing, and I hope it helped those girls feel ashamed and embarrassed for what they did. I also hope it bring you more business, although I know that was not your motive. Very big props!
All it takes is a pebble in a pond to create a ripple. You did just that by simply saying no. That is huge and I am glad I read your story on Huff Post. I recently blogged about adult bullying in my community. https://laura-comito.blogspot.com/2011/08/what-is-happening-to-us.html
You are right mean is ugly.
Jen –
First of all, kudos to you!! While I’d like to think we’d all take a stand against something that we felt was wrong/mean/unjust, I have a feeling if it was going to cause a loss of income (in your case, your deposits), we might think twice and keep our mouths shut, especially with the economy as bad as it is today. Which makes what you did even more awesome.
I would not look at all the new ‘likers’ as potential critics (in a bad sense) of your work…..look at them as potential collaborators. You may pick up some helpful hints or tips from any comments that may be posted. And…… if anything mean is posted, well, that’s what the delete button is for.
Anne
Pittsburgh
Kudos to you from Austin, Texas! You should be proud of yourself for starting the conversation about bullying. I am always telling my kids “If WE see something is not right and WE don’t say anything then WE ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!!”…
Hi Jen, I am yet another person who came across an article online about your refusal to photograph bullyers. It says so much about your character that you are willing to turn away business for something that you feel strongly about. I am 29 yrs old and have a 16-month old son, and when I think about the children treat eachother lately, it terrifies me. I can only hope with all my heart that things improve by the time I have to send my son off to school, although it seems that things only get worse every year. It is always good to know that there are people like you out there who don’t turn a blind eye to bullying and are willing to take action. You may not feel like what you did is a big deal, but it has obviously caught a lot of attention and maybe others will follow in your footsteps. Thank you for being such a good person, it seems like such a simple thing, but good people are becoming harder and harder to come by!
I’m a photographer from Easton, PA and I admire your decision not to photograph those bullies (I saw it on Huffington). Hopefully they will be shocked by your refusal and will take a look at how they’ve been behaving. It’s always hard to turn down business but you did and you did it for a great reason. Way to go. I like your photos, by the way. Great stuff.
Just had to stop by your webspace and say, “Thank you”! I love what you stand for and love to see a fellow photographer with high morals and values! It is my daily goal to impart these values and principles to my own children and have faith that they will stand for the right – even when it’s hard.
You have done a great thing. I hope it catches on and spreads like wildfire. Keep u;p the good work…
I live in Florida and a friend of mine from Maryland posted the link to the article/news broadcast and I couldn’t help but click on it. I wish that there were more people like you in this world! It amazes me at how so many people have absolutely no problem with be heartless and cruel to those around them.
You did an amazing thing and should be proud of yourself. You didn’t let money or anyone else get in the way of what you thought was right. I hope that more people will follow your lead and stand up to all of the bullies out there.
Hi Jen – I just wanted to thank you for taking a stand and doing what’s right instead of taking the easy road and just doing the shoot. I wish there were more people who would speak up and out about what is acceptable behavior. And for having the guts to contact the parents.
Way to go! What a great, civil gesture to make in what is sometimes such a mean, ugly world. And look at the ripple effect you have caused and will continue to cause. I truly hope others will learn from your actions and see how they can take stands against hateful behavior in their own lives.
Thank you for taking a stand against bullying. It shows that one person can make a difference. I was so moved when I read the article about what you did to take a stand against bullying. Most people wouldn’t even be that brave. Thank you for making a difference!
John
I really love the stand you took against bullying. Bullying is cruel and potentially harmful. I wish you a completely full schedule in your business. I was bullied in school and felt like no one cared about it. Now, at 39, I detest bullying in any form. You’re an incredible person and I truthfully wish I knew you personally.
Mitzi
I’ve been following this story from the beginning and you’re doing the RIGHT thing. It’s your business and YES your opinion DOES count in YOUR business. And if someone doesn’t like it, that’s not really your problem, it’s theirs. So proud of you, Jen. Just another reason why I think you’re so awesome. =D
Okay. I’m sure you’ve been completely overloaded with comments and such. But, I still want to tell you how much I respect what you did. Doing what’s right is not the easiest way. You’ve taught a lot of people that you still can.
Your photography is beautiful and you’ll continue to do great as your work speaks for itself and you’ve taken a stand and spoken from your heart!
Just keep in mind, Jen… many businesses have a sign that reads: “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.” You are within your rights as a business owner and are part of a national wave to stop bullying. I applaud you!!!
What you stood up for and to, could very well have saved someone’s life… given them the reinforcement to believe in themselves, because “someone” they didn’t know, stepped in and took action. The trickle down effect is a wonderful thing! (As seen in Pay It Forward)
Don’t let the “notoriety” change you. But I sure hope that your actions change others. Keep on being YOU!!
I was THRILLED to read about what you did. I wouldn’t want to spend time with such mean-spirited girls either. I commend you for turning down their business. You are an inspiration to us all. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a feeling your business will only improve after this. Nobody likes mean people.
I was thrilled to read about what you did. I wouldn’t want to spend time with mean-spirited girls either. I commend you for turning down their business. You are an inspiration and a great example for all of us to follow. THANK YOU!
Hi Jen. i am also one of the new “likes”. and it seems that you had a good upbringing, simply put- my mom always says,”If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything”. seeing this statement aligned with your business, makes me think that you made a very good choice for your career and your family.
Personally I only liked your page after I’d had a good look around. I liked what I saw. I’m a photographer also but our styles are completely different. Don’t feel pressured to show your images. You tell the story your way, thats why I for one am a new “liker” 🙂
The good news is that the brief flash of fame and scrutiny won’t last; things will be back to normal soon. The other good news is that you will make a thousand beneficial connections in this moment, and will bank a buttload of goodwill. Some of that *will* last! The other other good news is that the Internet told you something you didn’t know: You have a tribe. Here we are.
Welcome.
nb
Good for you Jen! Very classy move!
Matthew in Cali.
Jen, I saw your story online, in passing, and wanted to stop in, thank you for this gift and say that leadership is not always easy…it’s important to do what’s right, not what’s easy. Let the beauty we love become the good we do. You’ve done ‘good’.
Don’t be overwhelmed by all of this…you seem like a wonderful, happy, down-to-earth person with great friends and a beautiful little girl. You stood up for what is RIGHT and GOOD. You should just carry on….you’re the best.