I apologize up front for being “all over the place” in this post. #1 I’m just a leeeeetle bit overwhelmed and #2 it’s how my brain works, I can’t help it and I hope that it makes sense. Everything makes sense in my head until I spit it out then I have that “foot in mouth” syndrome! None the less, just a few random thoughts about the recent “activity” and when I say RANDOM I mean RANDOM! 🙂 Please read my disclaimer that I have posted on my home page. It goes a little something like this:
My itty bitty disclaimer: I’m not a writer, I don’t claim to be, I don’t want to be. I have horrible spelling, awful grammar and down right nasty punctuation…but I do promise, I AM college ed-umacated! 🙂 Tee he he he. But on a serious note, this place is where none of that matters. This is my little piece of the inter-webber and I can say, spell and punctuate any way I want 🙂
I am completely overwhelmed, humbled and a bit taken back that so many of you took the time out of your day to repost, comment, email or just send some blog love my way. I honestly had no idea how powerful it would become but I have received emails from several of you, phone calls from local news stations, emails from reporters, requests to be featured on blogs. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t prepared for ALL of this, I was prepared for some harsh comments/criticism/feedback but not THIS kind of response. I have received emails from those of you from all over the world (literally) who mentioned how you were in your adult years and that the bullying still effects you. I’ve received emails from current high school students thanking me and calling me a their “hero”. I honestly don’t know how to process it all. I mean have you SEEN how many comments there were? Yesterday it was a full time job keeping up with everything. Some of your stories about bullying were just heartbreaking.
I’m not claiming to be an expert in bullying and as a matter of fact when asked by the few people that called, NO, I don’t have a first hand experience with bullying. Of course during my middle school/awkward years I’m sure there were some name calling but it was never really that bad that I didn’t want to go to school. And certainly not as bad as some of the individuals that emailed in. So I can’t stand up here and say I had been bullied, because I wasn’t. I liked to think I was friends with everyone. BUT I don’t think one has to have gone thru being bullied to stand up to it. I would like to hope that all of us could speak up if we ourselves witnessed it happening with our own eyes. And I guess that is where I find all the buzz hard to believe and process. All I did was say, no, I’m not going to take your picture because you were mean. Do I think that I’m the best photographer in the world…hahah..big fat N.O.! Do I know they could go out and easily find another photographer…Yes….but the point was, I didn’t want to spend time with them trying to make them look pretty when knew they were being ugly on the inside. Mean is ugly…and in my opinion they were making the CHOICE to be ugly.
Yesterday as everything was going viral, I was on a shoot with one of my clients. Then directly after, I went to one of my friend’s house to hang out with some good friends. I hadn’t seen the news clip yet and as I walked in someone said, “Here comes the saint!”. Keep in mind, they were saying it in a joking manner and I think he is a great guy, I didn’t take it the wrong way. He was just doing a friendly jab..it’s how my friends work and that’s why I love them! But it got me thinking, I hope all of you don’t think I’m a saint–for lack of a better word. I’m human, I’m certainly no Saint. I don’t claim to be perfect. For example, in admits the midst of yesterday’s chaos, I must admit, I am a bad mom…I forgot to feed my child. I came out to the studio early in the day when my phone was blowing up to see what everything was about and was caught up in keeping up with emails, phone calls, etc, that I forgot to feed my child! It wasn’t until she looks at me and goes, “Mom, when are you going to make breakfast?” It was 2:30pm! haha! Whoopsy, I’m glad to report, she still loves me and I fed her breakfast at promptly 7am this morning!! It just happens that in this particular instance, most of you think I did the “right” thing but trust me, there are probably a million things I’ve done wrong in my life time, I’m not perfect.
I wrote “Most” of you think I did the right thing.So you’ve seen all the awesome things people are saying but not everyone feels the same way, and I can respect that. I’m keeping an open mind and I’m going to assume that they had the best interest of those whom were being bullied. Some people feel very strongly that my opinions have no place in my business. I respect that, I really do, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.
If I’m going to keep it real, even with all the support that I’ve been receiving, I still have my insecurities too. Photographers and organizations, blogs and websites that I LOOK up to were sharing my link.I mean, photographers that I look up to and that are 1000x times better than I’ll EVER be were commenting and sharing my link. This lead to an influx of photographers to my “like” page (I’m going to call you “likers”) and so now, I’m thinking, Oh my gosh, with all these new likers I’m paranoid to post any of my future images because all of these critiques about my work will come pouring in. I mean here I am little bitty small town photographer having my website look my thousands of you and wandering if my work was “subpar” what would people think. We are human, I know I’m certainly not perfect and here I am worrying about what everyone will think and I’m not being bullied. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have that burden and knowing that people are ruthlessly saying mean and hurtful things.
I’m now under a microscope……..it’s here…and honestly, I don’t know what to do with it. I’m just going to resume as I always did and hope that someone else got the message…for those of you who don’t agree with me, I’m sorry you feel that way. I guess if you have your own business you can run it the way YOU see fit! If this hurts me..well fine, at least I know I failed at something I felt strongly about and I won’t be able to blame it on the economy. It will because of a decision I made…and I’m ok with that! At this point, I’m going to try to get things back to normal around here by editing yesterday’s session so I can share it on the blog just like I always do, going to an awesome ALUMNI football game (GO Bobcats) and by hanging out with one of my best friends over the weekend, she’s driving in from Michigan..yay!
Again guys…thank you!
PS: Mean is UGLY!
hey jen, stacey here. i was bullied from k-12th grade. it made me sad, but also made me try harder at life and be stronger, only by God, of course!! it is one of the reasons i am home schooling Gunnar and Sophie, to try and eliminate some of the bullying that can be a hinderance in their learning. i was talking to your mom today…keep up the good work!
I posted on your Facebook wall but also wanted to read your blog firsthand. I admire what you did and hope you receive much more business than you lost. You are principled and that is rare anymore, sadly. At least you have made the girls’ parents aware and maybe they can either get their daughters help or intervene themselves so that they don’t grow up to be as horrible adults as they are teens.
Your blog actually brought tears to my eyes. Y? Because you stood up for what you believe in and you defended people you didn’t even know were affected by this. At the same time you found yourself in a whirlwind. Just know that you have succeeded in something that most people aren’t able to do in a whole lifetime…. that something is being you! Not hiding who you really are! You did something more than stand up to bullies… you have shown a strength that many people will hold close and learn from! Don’t ever think what you do is subpar! There is nothing…. and I mean nothing about you that even remotely whispers that! Great job Jen! You keep helping people record their special days and keep growing from every experience!
Yes! A young person with integrity. You go girl and thank you!
Just read about this and wanted to add my “Like.” What a brave thing for a small business owner to take a stand and risk losing more business. I admire your integrity and I hope you receive many blessings in return. I’m sure you helped make the victim(s) of the bullies feel stronger just knowing someone cared enough to take a stand. All the best to you!
You are wonderful and real – inside & out 🙂
You are absolutely correct….mean is ugly. I applaud you for standing by your convictions and thank you for helping in your way to make at least one little corner of the world a better place. Bullying should NEVER be tolerated and you took a stand. Thank you!
Just do your fucking job. Who gave you the right to judge society? You will delete this because you don’t have the courage to face the truth. Your judgment of right and wrong is not without question. Who decided you to be the moral compass of a community? Look deep inside yourself. You don’t have the right to be a moral compass!
There is always room for improvement – event he person critiquing needs to improve in some way. Your clients choose you as their photographer because they enjoy your work. It doesn’t matter if someone else believes doing things differently would improve your work. What matters is how you and your clients feel.
That being said, it is possible to learn from critiques. They’re not personal attacks (and if they are, they’re not critiques and you can promptly ignore what they say because they don’t matter).
I truly applaud you for taking a stand.
Pay it forward! If just one more person follows your lead and one more and so on it will be a blessing for all of those that have been bullied and had no voice.!
I’m seventy four and I still wince when I remember the names I was called. Not by enemies but thoughtless kids who never gave it a second thought.
You have integrity. You have grace and yes, you are a brave small business..
Thank you Jen! As a mom of children who have been bullied in the past from school peers (now home-schooled) I appreciate those who speak up for these children! Applauds and Hugs to you! xox
I have nothing more to say than… Awesome.
Congratulations Jen, you set a wonderful example for everyone. I agree, any kind of bullying is UGLY. God Bless you for standing up for those who can’t defend themselves.
@Average Joe – The reason the world is so fucked up is because we have people like you like you who think no one has a right to be a “moral compass”. EVERYONE has that right, and everyone should use it, and few people have the balls to do so.
I applaud you, Jen.
Good for you! I saw the article on Huffington Post, and it’s being tossed around my facebook news feed. Thank you for taking a stand against bullying, and making the world a bit better.
@AverageJoe – her “fucking job” is her own business. She absolutely has the right to decide what clients she works with, aside from the legally protected classes. “Cruel people” aren’t a legally protected class, so she’s in the clear. She wasn’t judging society at large. She was judging the actions of a handful of would-be clients as being people she didn’t need or want as clients. She took a stand against cruelty. On what planet can this possibly be a negative thing?
I hope you’re simply a troll, as otherwise, you are in dire need of therapy, a hug, and a puppy. (And when that’s done, you might also benefit from a thesaurus, as only porn stars and prostitutes have “fucking jobs”.)
Hello Jen! First off, Ignore “Average Joe” – He can’t be serious – he’s probably trolling. Anyway, as an aspiring photographer, I look up to what you did – Have no shame on your decision. I totally respect your personal thoughts and what you stand for, your intentions, etc. “Mean is Ugly” – that is a phrase that will stick with me until I can’t shoot anymore. I’ve never been bullied but I, too, hate to witness what they do. Thanks for the inspiring words 🙂
Thank you for having the courage to put principals before profit. I’m sure in the long run you are going to get much more out of your actions than those shoots were worth.
Jen,
I just signed up to facebook ( I never had a need before) just to send you a big thank you for what you did.
If I ever need some pics taken, I’ll call you.
And “avarage joe” just go away, you are NOT average.
Keep doing what you are doing, jen.
It’s the right thing.
I saw your story on the news in Milwaukee, WI.
I wanted to Thank You for taking a stand even though it cost you income.
I totally agree with you Mean is UGLY.
Thank you for putting profits aside and doing the right thing. Your actions will make a huge impact on those girls’ lives.
I’m not sure why a certain group of people (yes, AverageJoe, I mean you), believes that our 1st Amendment means that people can’t get blowback from exercising their free speech rights. The point is that you can say just about anything without fear of ARREST. And the rest of us are free to find what you’ve said to be despicable, and to refuse to do business with you on that basis. Freedom of speech is NOT freedom from consequences. If you say mean, horrible things, we are free to choose not to associate with you – personally or professionally. Jen didn’t claim to be the “moral compass of a community”. She was the moral compass of HERSELF. And more power to you, Jen. Thanks for standing up to bullies!
Kudos, Jen! I’ve never felt the need to make comment to a total stranger before, but your actions struck a cord. I applaud you for following your heart. I truly believe if people, especially children, aren’t seeing caring, compassionate behavior they will not develop it. Many children aren’t held accountable for their actions by their parents or peers, so they are left to continue it. I work in a school and am so thankful and proud of what you did and glad it’s getting the exposure it needs. Good luck in all your endeavors.
Bravo. Sooner or later *some* of these bullies will learn that nothing on the internet ever goes away. I hope this follows them the rest of their lives. While I believe, in general, people need to develop thicker skin, these kind of bullies are the worst kind — they don’t have the courage of their convictions — they are too weak to bully in real life, but save it for the internet where they can be “anonymous”. And that shows more weakness of character and lack of moral fibre than just the incident itself.
Wonderful example for us all!
I read your story on CNN.
Your decision to remove those individuals from your customer base due to their actions was outstanding. I sincerely hope – but am somewhat doubtful – that the parents of the individuals do something to correct problems that will probably follow those kids into their adult lives.
Best wishes to a successful future. Thank you again for displaying such positive action in the face of such disgusting behavior.
Thank you for having the courage of your convictions to confront these young girls and their parents of this unacceptable behavior. I was encouraged a few of the parents appreciated your course of action. If more people would follow suit, we could make headway in stopping this. You are certainly to be commended for not allowing money to trump character. I pray your business truly prospers. Thank you again!
That made complete sense to me, maybe my brain works the same as yours, lol. I’m one of those new “likers” & don’t be worried about your work & what others might say about it, it’s coming from inside of you & you’re clearly a beautiful person taking beautiful photographs. People give negativity because they have nothing else to offer. Don’t change who you are & stay beautiful Jen.
Thank you so much Jen for taking a principled stand on bullying. I’m sharing your story on my Facebook and with friends. I wish more people would take such a stand.
Certainly everybody has ‘free speech’ but that doesn’t mean others have to tolerate bad, abusive, or bullying behavior in their lives or their businesses. Bullies do what they do because it most often has no consequences to them. Too often, no one stands up to them. Exposing them — refusing to accept their behavior in silence and refusing to allow it to stay hidden — is the key.
If more people would take a stand, the instances of bullying in both childrens’ and adult lives might decrease. Young people can learn from such experiences and circumstances and by your example, maybe some adults can, too.
B
I applaud your integrity. I wish more people would take a principled and personal stand as you have. Thanks for being a good person 🙂
As a gay man who went to a large AAAA high school in the late 80’s, I want to say THANK YOU. From the “fag” spray painted numerous times on my car and locker, to tires slashed, to the verbal abuse, to urine balloons being thrown at me, to most of my very large senior class yelling Desi Gay (last name) when my name of Desi Jay (last name) was called during graduation, I had to live through it all. Never once did I have a teacher or administrator step up with the courage and moxie that you did. Some people like “Average Joe” have no clue what torment GLBT students go through growing up. I wish you much success in your business, and once again I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you, ma’am, for showing real character.
This story really isn’t even about those four girls anymore. It’s about making a principled stand, and saying “There ARE limits to acceptable behavior”.
I’ve never been a big fan of the “It takes a village” mentality but there is some merit to the idea that a responsible parent needs some feedback when their kid is engaging in behavior that they (1) can’t see, and (2) can’t condone. For the sake of my children I can only hope there will be someone like you who would tell us if they witnessed our children behaving similarly so we could address it.
Well done, Ms. McKendrick, well done.
After reading an article about your recent bravery of standing up to bravery I decided to google you! So thrilled to see you are from my hometown that I visit a couple times of year with my family. The next time I come you will get my business. And might I say the opportunity to photograph 4 beautiful kids (inside and out). Best of luck on your continued success!
Amy
Chicago
Thank you for having the ovaries to stand up for what you believe is right. You are so correct, you can’t make someone that mean and ugly on the inside look beautiful on the outside.
Average Joe: You, sir, are an idiot and an asshole. She owns her own business; therefore, she has the right to do or NOT do whatever she wants. Her moral compass said “you can’t make ugly pretty” so she chose not to do so. Just like those girls had the right to chose to say or not say those vicious things to someone. What you, they, and millions of other people don’t get is a basic law of physics “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”. Put more simply, karma is a bitch!
You are and amazing person! I am glad people stand up for others as you have! KUDO’S TO YOU WOMAN!!! Giving you all the support I can from Colorado! You Rock!
(PS YOU HAVE AMAZING WORK!!!)
God Bless you for your compassion! Too many people turn their heads to the ignorance of these teenagers. Along with “some” of their parents. Well if the parents are not willing to give them consequences for bad & unacceptable behavior… hats off to you Jen. Great job!
I applaud what you did. However, your sample letter, which I saw on a news site, to the clients was very poorly written. I know you have posted above that you are aware of your poor writing skills; however, when writing to clients, you should have somebody proofread your work. You will project a much more professional demeanor in doing so.
Good for you for standing up to bullying in this manner. I support your decision 100%. 🙂
Photog is my private little obsession and hobby, so I’m nowhere nearly as talented as you or anyone else for that matter. I just do it for fun. However, if I did it as a biz, it’d be MY biz and nobody else’s, and I’d run it how I see fit, just as you should. I don’t think it was brave of you, or wise of you, or “whatever” of you, because that’s implying that you did it to make a statement to OTHERS, and I don’t think that’s the case. You did it because you followed your heart in wanting to do the right thing….because it felt right to you. Kudos to you. Seriously, now that you’re seeing the attention this is getting, you might want to be prepared to be sitting across from Matt Lauer, if you haven’t already been approached by the Today show. If they don’t approach you, I’ll be shocked and disappointed! Hugs to you, and 2 big thumbs up, too!
Shan
IL
you are awesome for standing up for your beliefs. bullying is such a huge problem right now, and i love your motto. people forget/don’t realize that the things they post online can be seen by anyone. you should be completely proud of yourself!
you’re awesome, simply for standing up for your beliefs.
This made my day. Thank you for having the strength to stand up for the right thing. Thank you for being a good person and making the world a better place. It’s awesome how many people stand by you in this decision. If more people were like you maybe teenagers like this wouldn’t be so ugly on the inside.
It takes a strong person to stand up for what you believe. Stay strong! Hugs!!
Well done. Very well done indeed.
Thank you so much for taking a stand. As a teacher, everyday I have to teach kids who I know are engaged in many inappropriate behaviors. Too often our hands are tied by lawyers and weak administrators, instead we just put on a blank face and deliver education to kids who are only deserving of some real-life lessons and counseling.
Thank you for providing one.
Good for you, stay strong, hang in there and be proud of who you are both inside and out! Beautiful!
Thankyou
Brava! Courage is a rare thing these days and you exemplify the best of humanity as many ignore the very simplest motto,”do unto others…”. Thank You.
awesome! what you said & what you did!! i admire you for standing up for your beliefs 🙂 bullying sucks and there is no place for it in this world
THANK YOU !!! Stop putting yourself down, you’re in the 1% and that’s special. I’d be proud to have you do a photo op for me with a disposable camera.